Why do I have to meme?

Sometimes aliens can be jerks.

Really.

I thought that since I had my own blog and was just a part time correspondent for the MoxArgon Group I could skip the whole 'meme' thing.

Well, I was wrong.

Remulak used a matter transporter to beam me out of bed in the middle of the night to tell me that I had to do it to.

Fine.

Here it is.

8 THINGS ABOUT VOX POPLAR

1. I do not look at all like this picture MoxArgon made of me at a Simpsons site that Wyatt Earp mentioned at his blog.

I am not that fat!

2. I live in denial about my appearance, and I'm happy with that.

3. I love old spaghetti westerns and Italian horror films.

4. I'm a really good cook.

5. I think Kari Byron from Mythbusters is hot.6. I'm not above using at any excuse to put a picture of an attractive woman in my posts and should do it more often.

7. I enjoy watching poker on TV, but rarely play and never for real money, because I know I suck at it.

8. I have never seen the movie Titanic, and never will.

There.

Are you happy now you fat-cartoon making bastards!

A Little Musical Moment

There's been a lotta talk about the riot at MacArthur Park, with fingers being pointed and accusations made on both sides.

So I've decided to unite the two warring sides with song.

It's to the tune of Richard Harris' MacArthur park, sing along if you like.

Cops were there waiting for us, girl
And I clocked one on his head
With a big rock tossed from my own two hands
I could see that the cops were pissed
And ready to beat my ass with iron
I suddenly pissed my woven hemp cargo pants

MacArthur's Park police dogs start to bark
All the LAPD beating down
Rubber bullets coming down like rain
I don't think that I can mend it
'Cause I started it and the cops will end it
And I'll have to run far away again
Oh, no!

CAPTAIN AMERICA DEAD! ME ANGRY!

A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY BY

THE INCREDIBLE

HULK

Captain America dead!

HULK MAD!

HULK SMASH!

But Hulk even madder that Marvel made Cap whiny moral equivalence spouting liberal!

CAP PATRIOT!

CAP NO BLAME AMERICA FOR EVERYTHING LIKE CRYBABY NEW YORK LIBERAL!

HULK MAD!

HULK SMASH!

Patriotism not wrong in time of war!

Real Cap know that!

America not problem!

Fascist dillholes are problem!

HULK SMASH FASCISTS!

Now Hulk got to Duffy's Tavern.


Hulk drink in memory of lost friend and lost idealism.


Hulk get smashed.

My Bad...

I have a confession to make.

I'm the reason Ann Coulter is an idiot.

Not all the time, just that one time at CPAC where she used 'faggot' in a lame joke about John Edwards.

But that's not all my fault.

It's Al Gore's.

I was inspired by Electric Al's whole concept of the 'Carbon Offset' and how he's shamelessly making money trading on other people's fears.

I figured two can play at that game.

Now the Global Warming doomsday market is pretty much sewn up by Al Gore and his Inconvenient Troops, so I had to come up with something new.

Then it hit me.

A lot of rich and famous people are idiots.

And the rest they say is history.

click to enlarge

I do regret selling one to Anne Coulter. Should have charged her more for such epic, shameless, pandering stupidity.

But don't let a bone-headed publicity whore like Anne Coulter ruin for fun, for $100 you too can become officially idiot neutral.

Why Al Can't Save Power?

When I heard Al Gore's power consumption was 20X that of an ordinary household I was shocked. I knew he was a hypocrite, I just didn't know how vast the scale of his hypocrisy will be.

Then I started wondering....

...Why is he sucking up so much power?

So here are my Top 5 answers.

THE TOP 5 REASONS AL GORE USES SO MUCH ELECTRICITY

5. He's running a sweatshop using illegal aliens to make Inconvenient Truth DVDs.

4. He's doing experiments reviving corpses he's stolen from graves in the greater Nashville area so they can vote in Florida (where it's legal).

3. He needs electricity to fuel his vast charisma. (that can't be it)

2. Two words: GROW-OP.

1. Tipper doesn't believe in batteries.

Oh those Whacky Protesters...

The lovely and delicately scented folks at IMAO posted a picture of 'Peace Mom' Cindy Sheehan and Code Pink's Medea 'Money for Terrorists' Benjamin in support of North Korea's Kim Jong-Il. On it they mispelled the very simple word BASE as BSAE.

Not wanting some prime comic ground to go unfarmed a blank version of that sign was posted and folks could put in their own messages.

I made these. Enjoy.

A Little Bit O'Funny.

They posted this up at Pyjamas Media and I thought it was very true...




Click here for a song by Rep. Mark Foley. Warning DEFINITELY NSFW.

Hi, I'm Back.

A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM

VOX POPLAR

If you're a regular reader of this blog, then you probably know about a recent falling out between me and a Remulak MoxArgon of the MoxArgon Group.

We tried working together on the making of a satirical film, but we had some disagreements about the budget, which forced me to temporarily abandon my work here and do a little travelling.

I soon learned that I couldn't run away from my troubles, but Remulak, in his infinite alien wisdom, settled our differences without breaking out the laser cannons and the parasitical brain-worms.

I could have gotten away with it if the money was in US dollars and not in Flokian zellnobs.

Anyway, I'd like to conclude by thanking the wonderful and fragrant Remulak MoxArgon, for his wonderful and humane display of mercy, and I'd like to thank Xran for hijacking my blog sitting in for me while I was away.

Now I have to go let my bones knit, be back later...

XRAN'S HOLLYWOOD BEAT 2: A MOMENT OF SHATNER!

Remulak loves comedy roasts and he did participate in this one for William Shatner, but for some reason he was edited out of the show. Something about cruelty to animals, or Andy Dick or something, but who cares. Thanks to the folks at HOT AIR & Youtube, we have these highlights.

A MESSAGE FROM REMULAK MOXARGON

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF.

Greetings puny Earthlings. Remulak MoxArgon here with our latest cinematic experiment. After that incident with Vox Poplar's attempt at filmmaking I've decided to do another film, but this time, I did it all by myself.

Okay, maybe not all by myself. The other guys pitched in a little bit. It's a new ad for the Ned Lamont Senate Campaign. I figured he deserved a boost, what with him trailing in the polls and being weak on protecting American lives and all that stuff. So set your faces to stunned, because here's the greatest political ad of all time.

And it didn't cost me a fortune!

PS: I'm still looking for that slippery little Earthling named Vox Poplar. He last seen in a bar in Tijuana, but we lost track of him. Any snitch who helps me catch him and give him the whuppin' he so rightly deserves will earn a special place when I finally get around to conquering Earth.

XRAN'S HOLLYWOOD BEAT

Hi, I'm still hijacking blog-sitting, until Vox Poplar is found and he returns the money he owes Remulak.

Greetings puny Earthlings, Xran here with some interesting news from the planet within a planet that you Earthlings call Hollywood.

It looks like a contingent, led, according to Australian sources, by uber-hottie Nicole Kidman, have decided to dump all the crazy International ANSWER crap that seems to dominate what passes for celebrity thinking these days and do something sensible.

They've dared to declare, publicly no less, that they are against terrorism and for democracy

Now that is shocking news. Celebrities are supposed to be for whatever Republicans are against, and right now that's terrorism and Islamic fascism. But these folks have decided to break from the pack and declare themselves in support of the free societies that have made them wealthy and successful. They'll probably never work in Hollywood again.

Hat tip to Hugh Hewitt for the pic of the ad.

XRAN'S DICTIONARY

Greetings puny Earthling's I'm still hijacking taking care of Vox Poplar's blog while he's on the run travelling. And I've realized that the leaders of Islamic countries and terrorist groups speak a different language than most people, so I've put together a few translations for you simple-minded Earthlings.

XRAN'S ISLAMIC LEADER/ENGLISH DICTIONARY

VICTORY- A condition achieved after getting a royal rectal-reaming by the Israeli army and having guilt-addled westerners save your life through diplomatic pressure. Note: Not in anyway connected to real military victory, because that's impossible in the Islamic World.

CIVILIANS- Non-military personnel who exist solely to provide human shields for rocket launchers, corpses for propaganda, and cover for terrorist operatives.

CHILDREN- An excellent mode of protection for rocket launchers, weapons installations, also an excellent explosive delivery system. Also see CIVILIANS.

WOMEN- See CHILDREN.

OIL- The only thing of value left in the Islamic world, without it, they would have nothing.

Hi Earthlings.

A MESSAGE FROM
XRAN THE FLESHRENDER
OF THE
MOXARGON GROUP

Hello folks, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here posting on a puny Earthling's blog. Well the answer is simple. Vox Poplar, this blog's normal avuncular pundit has ticked off my pal, Intergalactic conqueror and MoxArgon Group host, Remulak MoxArgon over budget overruns for this film:

It looks like he's made a run for it. So, I'm going to step in, posting MoxArgon Group material, as well as my own wonderful brand of punditry, in his stead. It shouldn't be too long, Vox only has one planet to hide on. Good thing Rem's feeling all sorts of brotherly love to his fellow bloggers, he's only going to give him a beating.

See you all soon.

These Cats Aren't Worse than Hitler...

...They are Hitler!

Hat tip to friend Furious D who sent me the pics. BAD KITTIES! VERY BAD KITTIES!

Mad Max Mel Runs Amok

A MOMENT OF TRUTH COMMENTARY BY

MEL GIBSON

Hi folks.

I'd like to say that I'm sorry.

And I'm an idiot.

I'm a sorry idiot.

A sorry, drunken idiot.

A fat sorry, drunk, egomaniacal, Hollywood idiot with an ugly beard and a bloated sense of self-importance.

Man, when I was told that I wouldn't be able to lie in this blog they weren't kidding. I'm okay with the whole honesty being the best policy thang, but this might be a case of too much honesty. I am trying to save my freaking career here.

Anwhoo.

I'm sorry for being an idiotic drunk driver, and I'm sorry, especially for the anti-Semitism.

What can I say, I'm not the brightest button on the shirt and I'm easily influenced. First by my Dad, I love him to death, but even I have to admit that he's nuttier than a pound of squirrel turds, and now by my Hollywood friends.

You see, in Hollywood Anti-Semitism is hot.

Oops, sorry...

I keep forgetting that the correct term is Anti-Zionism.

You see all my Hollywood friends call themselves Anti-Zionist, but I can't tell the difference.

Maybe you can explain it to me.

You see my Dad's an Anti-Semite, that's pretty obvious, he thinks all the world's problems are caused by Jews, who also conspire to conquer the world, and that the world would be better off if they were destroyed.

Anti-Zionists think all the world's problems are caused by the Jewish State of Israel, that the Jewish State of Israel conspires to start wars in partnership with American corporations, and that the world would be better off if the Jewish State were destroyed.

WHAT'S THE FRIKKIN' DIFFERENCE?

It's driving me crazier than a kangaroo in the headlights of a speeding lorry.

And the thing that really sticks in my wallaby is that people make idiotic statements like the ones I made the other night, without the benefit of alcohol, and are called "liberal" and "progressive." I shoot my drunken idiot mouth off with the exact same garbage, and suddenly I'm a racist.

Hell, if you knew how many folks in Hollywood think 9/11 was an inside job committed by Bush, Israel, and Halliburton, your hair would turn white from shock, or disgust.

But are they being publicly spanked by the press like me?

No, because they couch everything in terms that make it sound like Bush's fault. That makes them wonderful, I made a religious movie, already a Hollywood no-no, and then I went and said to a cop, stuff other celebs save for dinner parties or the kind of liberal blogs that only other celebs read, which is as big a no-no as getting fat in this town.

This is just too much to think about, expecially after you've had twelve cans of Fosters for breakfast.

I should have just said "Bush" instead of "Jews" then I'd be a frikkin' hero.

Damn it, I need a nap.

The Middle East's Got Talent!

Hello, I'm Simon Cowell and welcome to THE MIDDLE EAST'S GOT TALENT. Yes, another one of these dreadfully tedious displays of the talentless and moronic that you Yanks seem to lap up like the salivating mongrels that you are, here's are first act, former Dictator of Iraq Saddam Hussein.

Dang me,

Dang me,

They're gonna git a rope and hang me

Hang me from the highest treeeeeeee....

That's why I'm goin' hungry.

Well, Saddam, that was truly, truly, pathetic. Even if you hadn't of been responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, I'd hang you for that dreadful performance. Now get out of my sight! You make me want to retch. Up next is, and this is just precious, Omar Bakri formerly of London and soon to be formerly of Beirut.

I gotta get out of this place!

If it's the last thing I ever do!

I gotta get out of this place!

Or I'm gonna get my ass kicked, by them Jooooos!

Omar Bakri, your snivelling hypocrisy and cowardice makes me sick to my stomach. First you run away like a chicken with its nards cut off from Britain because they won't take your hate mongering crap and call it ice cream anymore, but when the cold hard reality of being an anti-semitic arse-hole becomes painfully clear, you cry like a mewling little baby for Momma Infidel England to pick you up, change your nappy, and kiss your boo-boos better. Go someplace and choke on your own hatred and ignorance. Better yet, go martyr yourself on something sharp and rusty. The world will better off for it.

Our next act is Hassan Nasrallah of Lebanon.

STOP! In the name of Allah!

Even though I staaarted it!

If you don't stop today!

I'll throw more babies in your way!

Absolutely dreadful. You make testicular cancer more appealing than that performance, and I'm not just talking about the singing. You're the lowest excuse for a human being that I've ever encountered, and I'm in show business. Your entire life is based on hate and playing bumboy for Syria and Iran. You've done nothing but create pain and misery, mostly for your own people and you start and perpetuate wars for your own aggrandizement. The only positive thing that I can think of about your worthless existence is that the Israelis will make it mercifully short. Now go away.

Up next is President Mahmoud Achmadinejad of Iran. This should be a complete bollocks.

Please appease me...

Let me go...

On supporting terrorists...

With great aplomb...

While I build an A-bomb...

That performance was a weapon of mass destruction all by itself. I wouldn't elect a delusional cracker-arsed goon as dog-catcher, let alone president of anything. Here's a question: If your culture is so great, how come it didn't invent the A-Bomb first, but is instead reliant on second and third hand technology? No need for a response, partially because I fear it might take the form of another dreadful song, and partially because we all know the answer. Now get out, this reality show is officially cancelled!

Bend it like Zidane

Who says you can't learn from athletes. Here are some whacky Austrians following the example of head-butting soccer star Zidane.

Roasted Frank in a Bun

Today we salute a man who has set the example for others in the blogosphere, a cautionary example, but an example nonetheless.

I'm talking about Frank J. the heart, soul, and colon of IMAO.US.

IMAO is the website whose very existence argues for the elimination of the Internet.

It's the site that fills Al Gore with regret for inventing the damn thing in the first place.

But seriously folks.

He's a wonderful fellow, world renowned for his punchy humour style, his punchy punching style, and for his girly crying style when his feelings get hurt.

He's provided a wonderful service to the World Wide Web. Without him, who would the makers of transsexual Romanian midget goat porn look down on?

Also, without him, who would annoy liberals on days when Anne Coulter is on vacation?

Where would we be without Frank J?

Let's find out.

Happy 4th Anniversary IMAO. Keep on truckin!