NEWS TOO IMPORTANT TO IGNORE

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE
ANONYMOUS SOURCES SYNDICATE
PRESENT

THE HUSSEIN REPORT
with JAMIL HUSSEIN

Good day Mr. & Mrs. American Infidel and all her ships in the Gulf, let's go to press.



DATELINE- IRAQ: A joint operation between American Crusader Infidels and Iraqi Government Heretics martyred over 260 innocent civilians and captured over 300 more because these simple and innocent people were carrying a lot of weapons and were allegedly plotting to massacre Shi'ite pilgrims. I have it from reliable anonymous sources that though the people were amassing large amounts of weaponry, they were all innocent civilians, and that the evil American Imperialist Crusaders used dragons and their fiery breath to burn them all alive. They then fed every baby in Iraq to the dragons as reward for their innocent civilian killing.

DATELINE- WASHINGTON: Millions of Americans turned out in Washington D.C. to protest the Bush/Halliburton/Zionist war against the peace loving civilians of Al Qaida and Iran. More than 500 million Americans came out to hear such electrifying and articulate speakers like Jane Fonda, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. They attempted to storm the Bush Palace at the House of White, but were impaled on the horns of Zionist attack unicorns. Over 400 million American civilians were killed in the ensuing bloodbath.

DATELINE- NEW YORK: Comely Aussie CBS news lassie Lara Logan has come under criticism for appearing to use an Al Qaida propaganda tape and reporting it as a genuine untainted news. Al Qaida is very upset, claiming that she promised to give them full credit for doing all the work for her, but screwed them out of it. Al Qaida is currently debating whether to sue her, or just stone her.

DATELINE- QUEBEC: A small town in Canada has specifically banned immigrants from stoning, beating, or burning their women alive. People born in the town can still do all those thing legally.