Don't Question My Slowly Bleeding Patriotism

A Paid Political Announcement
by Congressman John Murtha (D-Penn)

My fellow Americans.

There are those among you, mostly right-wing fascist bloggers who are calling my plan to "slow bleed" America's war effort into paralysis "treason."

How dare you question my patriotism!

You can question my honesty, my integrity, my fortitude and my sanity, but do not question my patriotism.

I served in Vietnam, and by participating in America's only losing conflict. That means that I am above all reproach, no matter how sleazy, underhanded, repugnant, immoral, and subversive my actions are.

Now let me explain how my plans to lose the war in Iraq is the most patriotic thing an American can do.

First, we must all understand, that America is the source of all that is evil and destructive in the world. If there's a problem, anywhere on the planet, it can't be the fault of anyone else but America.

That's a fact.

Which leads me to my second point. The world would be much better off if the most powerful democracy on Earth was rendered powerless.

You see we must bring America down to a Third World level. That way people won't feel bad about living under oppressive dictatorships who do nothing but spread misery and destruction because they won't be able to compare their miserable wretched lives to our rich and successful lives.

And that brings me to my final point. George W. Bush wants to bring peace to the world by making the world democratic. And we're not talking big 'D' Democrats like me, but small 'd' democratic as in free speech, free votes and all around freedom.

We can't have that because democracies are the root of all that is evil in the world.

So join with me as the Democratic Party slowly destroys my former comrades in the military, because patriotism, loyalty, honesty, freedom, and the lives of millions of innocents are nothing compared to knocking down the Republicans.

Because that's what really matters.