1 on 1 With The BBC

A MOMENT OF TRUTH INTERVIEW EXCLUSIVE

VOX POPLAR- There has been much ado about the recent leakage of a report on a 'bias seminar' at the venerable British Broadcasting Corporation. It seems to confirm the belief of many of the BBC's critics that it's obsession with political correctness has turned it into a mouthpiece for any anti-British, anti-American and anti-Semitic faction out there. Joining me in the steel lined Tube of Truth to discuss this is the BBC's Executive Director for Media Attitudes, Mr. Nigel Incubator-Jones. Welcome to my blog Mr. Jones.

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's Incubator-Jones. We must do these things properly, on the up and up, as they say, pip-pip and all that rot.

VOX POPLAR- Okay Mr. Incubator-Jones. What does the BBC have to say about the recent revelation that it would be considered okay by BBC executives to televise the tossing of a Christian Bible into a dustbin, but not a Koran?

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's because of the BBC's continuing policy to not offend people.

VOX POPLAR- Wouldn't the tossing of a Bible into a trashcan offend Christians?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Ah, that's a very sticky wicket. You see there's a two point answer to that question. First point: Christians aren't blowing people up, Muslims are blowing people up, and we at the BBC do not like to be blown up. And the second point is that no one at the BBC gives a royal rodent's arse about what Christians think.

VOX POPLAR- That's a rather shocking admittance.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Not all that shocking you see. It's really quite elementary. All Christians are idiots and nothing good has ever come from Christianity.

VOX POPLAR- I can think of one thing that did.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Oh really, what?

VOX POPLAR- The Western Civilization that's prosperous and free enough to allow someone like you, who has the brain of a pea, to hold an important, high paying job at a major public institution.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Western Civilization is the root of all the... um... what's the word?

VOX POPLAR- You can't be thinking of evil?

INCUBATOR-JONES- There's no such thing as evil, just misunderstandings. That's it, Western Civilization's responsible for all the misunderstandings in the world. Like Christianity it's a vile imperialist force for destruction.

VOX POPLAR- Even though it's the only civilization that would allow someone like you to not only exist, but prosper?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Absolutely. We at the BBC believe that it's our sacred duty to bring down all that has made Britain a great nation. We must eliminate national pride, respect for the rule of law, all religions, except Islam, for that will be offensive, and all sense of decorum and social decency.

VOX POPLAR- In other words Britain's will to live.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Exactly. Any culture that allows complete arse-heads like me run a national public broadcaster needs to brought down.

VOX POPLAR- What about accusations that the management of the BBC has lost touch with the greater British public?

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's a load of tosh. Why I speak to my butler every day, at least twice, and just the other day I told my new chauffeur directions to my club in Pall Mall. Now who's out of touch.

VOX POPLAR- Okay, let's move on to allegations, apparently confirmed by the leaked documents, that the BBC is anti-American. What do you say to these allegations?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Of course we're anti-American. Americans are rude, foul, dirty creatures who cause nothing but destruction, chaos and death.

VOX POPLAR- Interesting that you bring up the word 'rude' because a recent survey put New York, once considered the rudest city in America, something like 18 or 20 places above London on a scale of good manners.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Good manners are over-rated. Besides America insists on defending itself and trying to spread that thing called democracy wherever it goes. Plus those bloody Colonials are big friends of Israel.

VOX POPLAR- What's wrong with that?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Between you, me and the lamp, Israel is crawling with Jews. That's simple not cricket.

VOX POPLAR- What's wrong with the Jews?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Everything. They have the unmitigated gall to desire their country where they expect to live in peace, and then they have the poor manners to defend themselves when they're attacked. That's simply not snooker, it's not even billiards!

VOX POPLAR- I'm starting to think that you're insane.

INCUBATOR-JONES- I would have to agree with you on that. I am most likely stark raving mad. I mean the whole attitude at the BBC is one of cultural suicide, especially when faced with the imperialist attitudes of the radical Islamic fundamentalists. But I have a government job, so there's nothing anyone can do to get rid of me.

VOX POPLAR- Well, thanks for a very revealing interview.

INCUBATOR-JONES- My pleasure.