CHINA'S TURN

IN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT BY
HU JINTAO
PRESIDENT OF THE
PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA

Greetings readers of this blog. I am here to discuss the recent revelation that China's brother in revolution, Kim Jong-Il has engaged in the testing of a nuclear weapon...

Ah, crap.

Listen, dudes, can we just talk turkey for a minute and get rid of all this diplomatic legalese bullsh*t?

Groovy.

Okay, so like everything's going all smooth sailing for me and my comrades in Ye Olde People's Republic. The economy's going great guns, we're getting ready for the Olympics, and we're jerking around you silly Americans by selling god-knows what to those nutty Iranians, which is a laugh and a half. Then that little monkey's pecker Kim Jong-Il goes and does that whole nuclear test thingie, even though I specifically told him not to.

But he went and did it anyways.

COMPLETELY HARSHING MY MELLOW.

Now the UN's taken a break from having it's peacekeepers pimping out kids to start hooting and hollering about sanctions and stuff, I'm popping antacids like frigging candy, and Kim's in his palace with that smug sh*t eating grin on his face.

Jeez, he's like that guy who always has to crash the party and ruin everything for everybody by getting loaded and p*ssing in the punchbowl.

I mean we want to keep the Yankee swine-dogs on edge, but this might put them over the edge and into full 'Say 'ello to my li'l friend' Scarface blasting everybody mode.

It's all a question of balance dudes.

I don't need this you know. I got a pretty good deal going here, and that little donkey-turd has to go and ruin it.

I don't know what to do. Part of me says I should wash my hands of that little mongoose-nugget and move on. It's tempting, but we're all old communists, and with old communists, old habits die hard.

Just ask Putin in Russia.

Oh well, I got some heavy thinking to do.

Catch you on the flipside dudes.