The Poplar Report: All the news THE MAN doesn't want you to hear.

Buddhist monk in Thailand neuters himself over a spontaneous... well, visit from Mr. Happy. Sad, psychotic, but true.

Prisoner on weekend release arrested for burgling the warden's house. He will now be moved to the cellblock for the really stupid prisoners.

All hail the Mighty & Merciful Ikea and its holy symbol of that little wrench thingy.

PETA should now be called PETPA, People for the Ethical Treatment of PHONY Animals.

Finally, a cause worth brawling over.

Patterico: LA Times=Al Qaida Mouthpiece?

Patterico has a must read post about the LA Times and their use of 'stringers' to handle the bulk of reporting out of Iraq and how those stringers mysteriously repeat Islamist Terrorist propaganda.

Can we trust anything the MSM is saying about Iraq these days?

Oh those Whacky Protesters...

The lovely and delicately scented folks at IMAO posted a picture of 'Peace Mom' Cindy Sheehan and Code Pink's Medea 'Money for Terrorists' Benjamin in support of North Korea's Kim Jong-Il. On it they mispelled the very simple word BASE as BSAE.

Not wanting some prime comic ground to go unfarmed a blank version of that sign was posted and folks could put in their own messages.

I made these. Enjoy.

If I Did It? Maybe?

A GUEST COMMENTARY BY
OJ "The Juice" SIMPSON

Hi.

It's been a long time, but I'm back with a new book and a freaking TV special about how I murdered might have my ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and that poor innocent bystander Ron Goldman.

Now I'm sure you've got a lot of questions. Things like:

Did You Kill Them?

Why Did You Kill Them?

And this classic chestnut:

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?

Well don't expect any real answers about the double homicide. I had my ghostwriters put everything in a nice hypothetical style, so if you're expecting a real confession, forget it.

And as to my major malfunction?

Well, I'm a raving narcissist.

I crave attention so badly, I would endanger the mental health of my own children by going on television and print to discuss how I killed might have killed their mother. I mean I was once a celebrity, now I'm a bad punchline. I gotta get back on at least the 'B' list.

I'm also trying to get on the next season of 'Dancing With The Stars.' However, the producers of that show are having a hard time getting me a partner.

So buy my book and watch my TV special, or I'll kill you!

I mean, I might have killed you.

Toodles.

I Gotcha Runnin' Now Ya Biatches!

A Special Guest Commentary
by
Abu Hamza al-Muhajir
(Commander of Al-Qaida in Iraq)

Yo there imperialist infidel swine-dogs! It's me Abu Hamz al-Mujahir, AKA Abu Ayyub al-Masri, AKA the Old Dirty Jihadi, AKA the Future Sultan of Iraq. Just droppin' my to give a big shout-out to those cats in the Democratic Party. Good to see you do so well in that there infidel election thing of yours.

And I'm wishing you Democratic cats all the best of luck doing everything you can to completely cripple your "lame duck" president and destroy the war effort. Khamenei in Iran's doing it, so why can't I daddy-o?

However, I do have one question.

When the soonest you can get the ball rolling in destroying the war effort and Iraq's fledgeling democracy?

You see, we can't wait much longer for you to impose insane withdrawal timetables, paralyze your country's government with budget battles and pointless impeachment investigations over how many times Bush farted the day he ordered Saddam to be overthrown, and block every Bush nominee, regardless of qualifications, because we're getting our asses kicked.

No, I'm being serious here. For every one of your boys that gets killed in Iraq, I'm like losing 10. That ain't healthy. I know you believe that Bush is making more terrorists, but if you look at the short bus rejects we're forced to take as Jihadi recruits, you'd think differently.

And if though it sticks in my craw to ask for help from a woman too whore-like to wear a burqa I really need your Queen Pelosi to put the proverbial pedal to the metal and get this war lost.

Because if you Democrats don't lose the war, we will.

And you Democrats can't allow that.

Can you?

Anyway, death to America, death to the infidels, you'll all perish in a river of blood, yadda-yadda-yadda, I gotta run.

Literally.

Smell you later, dudes.

1 on 1 with Seymour Hersh

VOX POPLAR- Welcome, today I go one on one with journalist, raconteur, and rabble-rouser Seymour Hersh about recent comments he made about the US military in Iraq at a speech at McGill University in Montreal, Canada. For some reason he's refused to go into my patented Vox Poplar Tube of Truth, so we're just gonna talk. Welcome Seymour Hersh.

SEYMOUR HERSH- It's good to be here in Canada and away from the Fascist State of Amerikkka.

VOX POPLAR- Really? I didn't know it was that bad in America.

SEYMOUR HERSH- I'm the only one with the guts to tell the truth. As I speak entire cities are burning to the ground, American soldiers are rounding up African-Americans and sending them to vote-denying death camps while Dick Cheney drinks the blood of infants and George W. Bush and his coven of neo-con theocrats build altars to their bloodsucking god out of their bones! I know I've seen the video!

VOX POPLAR- If all this is happening, why are you the only one talking about it?

SEYMOUR HERSH- Because the Republicans secretly control the mainstream media!

VOX POPLAR- The same mainstream media that constantly puts anti-Republican, and anti-American spins on their news coverage while exposing vital national security secrets?

SEYMOUR HERSH- That's just a clever ruse, cleverly designed by that clever Beelzebub of American politics the clever Karl Rove.

VOX POPLAR- Oh, really?

SEYMOUR HERSH- Why do I detect a note of doubt in your voice?

VOX POPLAR- It's not really a note, more like a symphony.

SEYMOUR HERSH- I've seen video of America's military in action! I've seen them gun down entire cities full of people, and then feast upon their flesh in an orgy of cannibalism and necrophilia. There is no insurgency in Iraq, because all the Iraqis are dead. Right now they're smuggling innocent civilians from all over the Muslim world in order to kill them for sport, and sell their organs to Israel on the black market.

VOX POPLAR- Please, go on.

SEYMOUR HERSH- Plus, as John Kerry says, America's troops are all brain-washed borderline retards that exist solely for killing as many innocent people as they can... wait a minute... What are you doing with that button?

VOX POPLAR- What button?

SEYMOUR HERSH- The red shiny button on the control panel in your hand.

VOX POPLAR- You mean this button?

(Click-VWOOSH!)

SEYMOUR HERSH- What the hell is this?

VOX POPLAR- That's the Vox Poplar Patented Tube of Truth. While inside you are completely unable to lie.

SEYMOUR HERSH- That's why I refused to do this!

VOX POPLAR- Now let's get to the nitty gritty. You're notorious for making wild allegations of abuse and slaughter in your public appearances, yet you haven't written any articles about these supposed news stories. Why?

SEYMOUR HERSH- That's easy. If I write this crap in an article, I could get my ass sued off for libel. If I make it in a speech, it's just slander, and barring any video of me making the speech, I can always claim that I was misquoted. DAMN IT! I didn't want to say that!

VOX POPLAR- I guess the next logical question is why do you make such statements?

SEYMOUR HERSH- Because I hate America, I hate Israel, I hate myself, and I pretty much hate any society that allows someone as loathsome as me become a success. Plus, I haven't written anything of consequence since the 70s. I'm a raving narcissist who desperately needs attention, and the easiest way to get that is to tell a bunch of left-wing ass-hats what they want to hear.

VOX POPLAR- Where is this video you claim to have seen showing US troops massacring a soccer game?

SEYMOUR HERSH- There is no video. I just pulled the story out of my ass because it's what my audience wants to hear. Besides, they're not going to ask me for the video, because that would prove that I'm nuttier than an elephant's snack bowl, they just let the story slide because it feeds their pre-existing prejudices. These are people who think Ted Rall is funny, their brains are fried beyond simple reason. Oh crap! I didn't want to say that!

VOX POPLAR- Well, I think that's all for today, so until next time, good-day, and good luck.

SEYMOUR HERSH- LET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN TUBE!!

THE VERDICT IS IN!

Saddam Hussein has been found guilty of crimes against humanity and sentenced to hang.

EVERYBODY SING ALONG!

Dang me
Dang me
They're gonna git a rope and hang me
Hang from the highest tree!
Oh, Allah, Ramsey Clarke couldn't save me!

EVEN ASSCLOWNS ENJOY HALLOWEEN

CLICK TO ENLARGE

1 on 1 With The BBC

A MOMENT OF TRUTH INTERVIEW EXCLUSIVE

VOX POPLAR- There has been much ado about the recent leakage of a report on a 'bias seminar' at the venerable British Broadcasting Corporation. It seems to confirm the belief of many of the BBC's critics that it's obsession with political correctness has turned it into a mouthpiece for any anti-British, anti-American and anti-Semitic faction out there. Joining me in the steel lined Tube of Truth to discuss this is the BBC's Executive Director for Media Attitudes, Mr. Nigel Incubator-Jones. Welcome to my blog Mr. Jones.

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's Incubator-Jones. We must do these things properly, on the up and up, as they say, pip-pip and all that rot.

VOX POPLAR- Okay Mr. Incubator-Jones. What does the BBC have to say about the recent revelation that it would be considered okay by BBC executives to televise the tossing of a Christian Bible into a dustbin, but not a Koran?

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's because of the BBC's continuing policy to not offend people.

VOX POPLAR- Wouldn't the tossing of a Bible into a trashcan offend Christians?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Ah, that's a very sticky wicket. You see there's a two point answer to that question. First point: Christians aren't blowing people up, Muslims are blowing people up, and we at the BBC do not like to be blown up. And the second point is that no one at the BBC gives a royal rodent's arse about what Christians think.

VOX POPLAR- That's a rather shocking admittance.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Not all that shocking you see. It's really quite elementary. All Christians are idiots and nothing good has ever come from Christianity.

VOX POPLAR- I can think of one thing that did.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Oh really, what?

VOX POPLAR- The Western Civilization that's prosperous and free enough to allow someone like you, who has the brain of a pea, to hold an important, high paying job at a major public institution.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Western Civilization is the root of all the... um... what's the word?

VOX POPLAR- You can't be thinking of evil?

INCUBATOR-JONES- There's no such thing as evil, just misunderstandings. That's it, Western Civilization's responsible for all the misunderstandings in the world. Like Christianity it's a vile imperialist force for destruction.

VOX POPLAR- Even though it's the only civilization that would allow someone like you to not only exist, but prosper?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Absolutely. We at the BBC believe that it's our sacred duty to bring down all that has made Britain a great nation. We must eliminate national pride, respect for the rule of law, all religions, except Islam, for that will be offensive, and all sense of decorum and social decency.

VOX POPLAR- In other words Britain's will to live.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Exactly. Any culture that allows complete arse-heads like me run a national public broadcaster needs to brought down.

VOX POPLAR- What about accusations that the management of the BBC has lost touch with the greater British public?

INCUBATOR-JONES- That's a load of tosh. Why I speak to my butler every day, at least twice, and just the other day I told my new chauffeur directions to my club in Pall Mall. Now who's out of touch.

VOX POPLAR- Okay, let's move on to allegations, apparently confirmed by the leaked documents, that the BBC is anti-American. What do you say to these allegations?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Of course we're anti-American. Americans are rude, foul, dirty creatures who cause nothing but destruction, chaos and death.

VOX POPLAR- Interesting that you bring up the word 'rude' because a recent survey put New York, once considered the rudest city in America, something like 18 or 20 places above London on a scale of good manners.

INCUBATOR-JONES- Good manners are over-rated. Besides America insists on defending itself and trying to spread that thing called democracy wherever it goes. Plus those bloody Colonials are big friends of Israel.

VOX POPLAR- What's wrong with that?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Between you, me and the lamp, Israel is crawling with Jews. That's simple not cricket.

VOX POPLAR- What's wrong with the Jews?

INCUBATOR-JONES- Everything. They have the unmitigated gall to desire their country where they expect to live in peace, and then they have the poor manners to defend themselves when they're attacked. That's simply not snooker, it's not even billiards!

VOX POPLAR- I'm starting to think that you're insane.

INCUBATOR-JONES- I would have to agree with you on that. I am most likely stark raving mad. I mean the whole attitude at the BBC is one of cultural suicide, especially when faced with the imperialist attitudes of the radical Islamic fundamentalists. But I have a government job, so there's nothing anyone can do to get rid of me.

VOX POPLAR- Well, thanks for a very revealing interview.

INCUBATOR-JONES- My pleasure.

Aunty Beeb is Anti-British?

That's what a lot of folks have been saying for years. Now it's official after the contents of an 'impartiality summit' of high BBC execs & media figures was leaked. Read about it here.

There's lots of inane revelations, like how it would be okay to toss a Christian Bible into a trashcan, but not a Muslim Koran, and how female Muslim newsreaders should wear veils. All kinds of stuff showing political correctness run amok. Political correctness that endangers the very liberties it needs to exist.

Will the leaking of this report lead to any change at the venerable Beeb?

Probably not.

If there's one thing I've learned about the political left and the politically correct, it's that they are completely unable to learn anything that exists outside their narrow prejudices.

Sad but true.

PS: I'm hoping to book a Moment of Truth interview with a BBC executive, just as soon as I can get one willing to go inside a giant metal tube.