Super Duper Canadian Political Exclusive!!!!

In keeping with the high standards of pseudo-journalism set by my idol Dan Rather I've landed an exclusive scoop about Canadian politics. The long ruling Liberal Party is in deep doo-doo with nasty revelations about corruption coming from the Gomery Inquiry. Some Liberal MPs are even considering defecting to the Conservative Party like rats fleeing the Titanic.

And to put the cherry on top the government's putting up a budget, which if defeated, could spark another election.

Always thinking ahead, Liberal Party hacks and flacks are busy putting together their slogans to sell themselves to the Canadian Voter. And being the world's best journalist, I've got them before everyone else. Take a look:

  • The Liberals: Sure we're corrupt, so what?
  • Stephen Harper wants to use old people as crash test dummies.
  • The Liberals: Not Only Crooked, But Bad At It.
  • Stephen Harper is a robot.
  • Liberals Rule, Tories Drool.
  • Sure Belinda Stronach's Babe-O-Licious, But We've Got Hedy Fry!
  • If Stephen Harper's elected the world will be taken over by EVIL INTELLIGENT APES!
  • The Liberals: Propping up Bombardier for a Better Tomorrow!
  • If You Vote Tory, You're a Big Poopy-Pants!
  • Paul Martin May Be An Idiot, But He's Not Brian Mulroney
  • Stephen Harper Eats Small Children!
  • The Liberals: Because Canadians Love the Status Quo, No Matter How Crappy It Is!
  • Voting Tory Causes Testicular Elephantitis
  • Vote Liberal, Who Needs National Dignity?
  • The Liberals: Without Us, Who Would You Complain About?
  • Paul Martin: Bringing Incompetence to a Higher Level
  • The Liberals: We'll Still Win Ontario Because They're Thick!


ADSCAM: The Stuff 'The Man' Didn't Want you to Know!

Sure the publication ban's been lifted but there's still stuff that The Man (aka Paul Martin) doesn't want you to know about the sponsorship Program. So here's a few fact that the Canadian MSM is sitting on, and you can only get them here, your only source for the truth!

  • Alfonso Gagliano is not one person, but, in fact, two midgets inside a cleverly constructed suit.
  • Chuck Guite shot the sheriff, but he did not shoot the deputy.
  • Belinda Stronach is hot. (it has nothing to do with the scandal, I just felt like saying it.)
  • GroupAction is actually a politically connected advertising firm based in Quebec, not the title of a saucy French porno movie.
  • Jean Chretien has names written on his balls. No, really, he does.
  • Not only was the sponsorship Program a big honking scam, it was also a poorly run scam.
  • No matter what happens Bombardier will still be sucking on the Federal teat.
  • Belinda Stronach really should break up with Peter MacKay and immediately shack up with a certain ruggedly handsome blogger named after a tree. ....nudge nudge wink wink...
  • Now matter how incompetent, corrupt, or abusive the Liberal Party gets, they will still win Ontario.
  • The sponsorship Program really did unite the country. Too bad it was in our disgust with the Liberal Party.
  • Jean Chretien in completely incomprehensible in both official languages.
  • Quebec will never leave Canada, because then they'd have to prop up their own failing industries and have no one to endlessly bitch at.
  • They would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids!