4/12/2005

Super Duper Canadian Political Exclusive!!!!

In keeping with the high standards of pseudo-journalism set by my idol Dan Rather I've landed an exclusive scoop about Canadian politics. The long ruling Liberal Party is in deep doo-doo with nasty revelations about corruption coming from the Gomery Inquiry. Some Liberal MPs are even considering defecting to the Conservative Party like rats fleeing the Titanic.

And to put the cherry on top the government's putting up a budget, which if defeated, could spark another election.

Always thinking ahead, Liberal Party hacks and flacks are busy putting together their slogans to sell themselves to the Canadian Voter. And being the world's best journalist, I've got them before everyone else. Take a look:

  • The Liberals: Sure we're corrupt, so what?
  • Stephen Harper wants to use old people as crash test dummies.
  • The Liberals: Not Only Crooked, But Bad At It.
  • Stephen Harper is a robot.
  • Liberals Rule, Tories Drool.
  • Sure Belinda Stronach's Babe-O-Licious, But We've Got Hedy Fry!
  • If Stephen Harper's elected the world will be taken over by EVIL INTELLIGENT APES!
  • The Liberals: Propping up Bombardier for a Better Tomorrow!
  • If You Vote Tory, You're a Big Poopy-Pants!
  • Paul Martin May Be An Idiot, But He's Not Brian Mulroney
  • Stephen Harper Eats Small Children!
  • The Liberals: Because Canadians Love the Status Quo, No Matter How Crappy It Is!
  • Voting Tory Causes Testicular Elephantitis
  • Vote Liberal, Who Needs National Dignity?
  • The Liberals: Without Us, Who Would You Complain About?
  • Paul Martin: Bringing Incompetence to a Higher Level
  • The Liberals: We'll Still Win Ontario Because They're Thick!

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