What The Bloody Hell Is Going On Here!?!

A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY
by the
Rt. Hon. JOHN HOWARD
Prime Minister of Australia

G'day mates.

I was all set to put another shrimp on the barbie with the missus, if ya know what I mean, when I got word that li'l chum-chucker Kim Jong-Il went and did some sort of atom-bomb test.

CRIKEY!

Somebody ought to grab that li'l bastard and give him a swift what-for right in the diggeridoos. Where does he get the unmitigated wombats to go setting off atom bombs like they were farts at a Tory fundraising dinner.

That's why I'm announcing that Australia is pulling out all the stops and putting sanctions on North Korea.

No more Vegemite for you, ya bastards!

And if anyone should be mad, it's those blokes in China. The bloody Norks are supposed to be their bumboys, and not bringing the world to the brink of a frigging nuclear holocaust. Sheesh mates, old Kim's gone and pissed in China's ear and told them it was rainin'.

Are they gonna take that like a weak li'l Sheila, or are they gonna act like they got goolies to spare?

So let's join together and declare to the world that Kim Jong-Il's a right bloody arsehole with a tool the size of peanut, and smack him about the head and arse until we knock some sense into him.

Thank you, and G'Day.