11/01/2005

The Poplar Report #3

YOU'RE A MEAN ONE, MR. CHAVEZ

Venezuelan strongman and Fidel Castrato Castro wannabe Hugo Chavez banned Halloween in Venezuela, declaring a 'phony imperialist holiday' or some such crap. Which makes the following declaration official: HUGO CHAVEZ IS A DICK.

His next project is to disguise himself as Santa Claus and steal Christmas from those annoying bastards in Whoville.

SULU BEAMS OUT OF THE CLOSET

Actor and Star Trek navigator George 'Sulu' Takei came out of the closet this week, declaring that he's gay and proud. This sparked a collective 'so what' from the general public.

When asked for a comment, former co-star William Shatner declared: "George is gay? I've known him for almost forty years and he's not once given me the eye, or checked me out. I'm not gay, but I'm kinda insulted. What's the matter George, am I not good enough for you?"

He then wondered how anyone can resist "some premium Shatner" and went home for a beer and to watch the hockey game.

MIERS MIRED, ALITO NEATO

Do you feel that you might have been conned?

Think about it, Dubya wants to nominate a pro-life judge, but knows the Gang of 14 RINOS will get all wobbly if the Democrats start Borking themselves into a frenzy. So, he nominates an old friend, who is immediately attacked by Republicans for possible liberalities.

This sparks a wave of triumphant 'The Republican Party is Dead All Hail President Hillary' chanting from the media. Miers withdraws for a rather obvious reason, Bush nominates the guy he really wants, and has the wobblies and the squishies all cowed for fear of handing 2006 & 2008 to the Democrats.

Think about it.

PLAMEGATE, LIKE HERPES IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY

Plamegate is still stinking up the airwaves with Democratic hack former ambassador Joe Wilson further endangering his wife's former contacts supposedly endangered by the original leak by plastering her name, face and work history on every TV channel in the country.

Despite having his story refuted by the intelligence agencies of the USA, France, Russia, Great Britain, and Niger, the MSM still thinks his ever changing bullshit mistatements are the gospel truth.

GOMERY REPORT COMES OUT IN CANADA

The long awaited Gomery Report on the Canadian government sponsourship scandal has finally been released. The major revelation in the report was that the government of Jean Chretien's Liberal Party is incredibly corrupt.

We'll just file that under "Well D'uh."

1 comment:

Damian G. said...

DAMN IT, DO ANOTHER ASK POPLAR POST!!!

< /rant >

Otherwise, hilarious as usual.