A True Crime Story...

Okay, here's the story.

A prisoner doing time for parole violation in Utah is taken to a medical appointment outside prison. While on the outside he overpowers the guard, takes the guard's gun, and kills the guard.

Now he's looking at 1st Degree Murder.

He goes on the run, but is quickly caught.

Because he looks like...

This.

Way to blend in with the crowd in Utah you moron.

This is a perfect case for the death penalty, he's too dumb to be allowed to live. He thinks killing a guard and going on the run while looking like a rejected circus freak makes himself a grat criminal mastermind.

I have one word for it... idiocy.

Not So Fantastic 4!

A
DISCUSSION OF
MODERN FILM
BY
GALACTUS
DEVOURER OF WORLDS

Okay, I've been doing a little reading about the movie Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I've been very curious about that movie, considering it involves my herald that whiny little bastard the Silver Surfer and has to have at least a cameo by yours truly, me.

I wasn't interested in who'd they cast for the role. I have like cosmically big shoes to fill, so it can't be pulled off by any Hollywood pretty boy. I was leaning toward them casting some brawny fellow for the body, but get Christopher Lee to do the voice.

What did Marvel's movie division and 20th Century Fox do?

They made the character based on me a cloud.

A FREAKING CLOUD!

What in the name of the big bang is that all about?

What were they thinking?

That drooling pimple-popping fanboys would fork over their money for a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a spandex bodysuit and not give a royal crap about the rest, that's what they were thinking.

What a pack of bastards.

It shows the exact reason why sequels are under-performing at the box office this year. Producers and filmmakers don't want to deal with characters and stories, all they want are lots of computer generated explosions, chicks in tight outfits, and the occasional shot at the Bush administration. So they take cheap short cuts, like making ME of all the people in the cosmos, a freaking cosmic killer fart.

I'm one of the most powerful villains in the Marvel comics universe. I literally eat planets and shit asteroids. I'm also charming, erudite, and drop dead sexy.

That's not a cloud.

I may not be allowed to eat Earth, but I think I might make a nice light snack out of Hollywood.

Bastards.

I'm A National Treasure!

A
MAJOR
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY
WILLIAM
"DOLLAR BILL"
JEFFERSON
(D-Louisiana)

Hello Democratic voters and folks with available cash.

It looks like the scat has hit the fan. Even though the Department of Justice was kind enough to wait two years so I could get re-elected, they couldn't wait any longer and indicted me for bribery, corruption, and a lot of other things.

Let me tell you that I will not take this lying down. I've got a lot of race cards, and I'm going to play every one like it was poker night at Al Sharpton's house. I'm going to hurl conspiracy theories, cover-ups, and crackpot theories not even Rosie O'Donnell will fall for.

Now it probably won't work with me being as guilty as homemade sin. But I am a Democrat, and so are a lot of federal judges, so even if I'm found guilty, which I probably will be, I'll most likely get off with probation. Because the justice system is not for fighting real corruption like mine. It's for imprisoning Republicans for not remembering about gossiping about something the prosecutor doesn't even think is a crime.

With my conviction inevitable, I will most likely be impeached from Congress. But don't cry for me. I'm already in negotiations to become a TV star.

Producer and Democrat Norman Lear wants me to star in a 'revamping' of The Jeffersons. Sure Lear hasn't actually produced anything on TV in like 20 years, but I'm sure he still has the same grasp on the public imagination that he did in 1975.

So let's all wish me luck and sing along to the new theme song!

Well I'm movin on out, over a bribe.
To a federal penitentiary for hard time.
Movin on out over a bribe.
For taking a big piece of the pie.

Cash don’t freeze in the kitchen;
Evidence won’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta lyin’ just to stay on Capitol Hill.
Now I'm heading to the big house
Gonna lose my pork barrel fat.
But if the judge is a Democrat I'm home free baby
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

Then I'll be movin on up, to the East Side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up to the east side.
And I'll get to keep my piece of the pie.

Hollywood Roundtable #1

VOX POPLAR- Hello, and welcome to the premiere edition of Hollywood Roundtable. The blog where the hard hitting issues of the day are discussed by the people who understand them best, Hollywood people. I'm your host, Vox Poplar, blogger and token Earthling correspondent for the MoxArgon Group. Joining me today is actor, activist, comedian, talk-show host, and haiku poet Rosie O'Donnell.

ROSIE O'DONNELL- bush is real terrorist

gulf of Tonkin

google it.

VOX POPLAR- Oscar winning actor, activist and friend to dictators the world over Sean Penn.

SEAN PENN- This administration is the most obscenely criminally...um... criminal government the world has ever known.

VOX POPLAR- Oscar winning writer, activist and creator of Walker: Texas Ranger, Paul Haggis.

PAUL HAGGIS- So what if my movies don't make any money gimme another goddamn Oscar!

VOX POPLAR- And last, but not least, writer of When Harry Met Sally, activist, and renowned international terrorism expert Nora Ephron.

NORA EPHRON- Carl Bernstein ran out on me.

VOX POPLAR- Okay, I'm not sure what that has to do with this blog, but let's move onto our first topic. The FBI recently arrested six men for plotting to blow up the fuel lines for JFK Airport potentially killing thousands of innocent New Yorkers. What's the view from Hollywood folks? First up Rosie.

ROSIE O'DONNELL- I question the timing

battle of the alamo

google it.

VOX POPLAR- Paul Haggis?

PAUL HAGGIS- Yet another example of how the foul and racist United States of Amerikkka destroys the dreams of poor immigrants simply because they're of the wrong race.

VOX POPLAR- Their dream was to kill thousands of innocent people.

PAUL HAGGIS- Does being a citizen of the most fascist and racist state the world has ever known make you innocent?

VOX POPLAR- Ookay. Sean Penn?

SEAN PENN- The trolls of small minded Christian fascists dance in the soiled underwear of Israeli lobbyists.

VOX POPLAR- Nora Ephron?

NORA EPHRON- I think that only the clear eyes of someone who has grown up in the real heart of America, Beverly Hills, can truly understand that these poor innocent Islamist extremists were framed as part of a vast right wing conspiracy to keep Barack Obama from the White House.

PAUL HAGGIS- See that! Even your President's house is racist! You are all racists! Except for me, because I'm from Ontario.

VOX POPLAR- Let's move onto the next topic. Immigration. Should people who break the law be rewarded with amnesty, and does the USA need to reform its immigration laws to make legal immigration easier?

ROSIE O'DONNELL- bush drinks the blood of babies

the death of

captain cook

google it.

SEAN PENN- The fat cats of halliburton and enron frolic like puppies in the bloodstained panties of the mother country.

PAUL HAGGIS- Everyone in America is racist. Except the people who pay to see my movies and give me Oscars.

NORA EPHRON- Isn't it obvious that this is all a big frame up so innocent foreign types can be rounded up and put in Halliburton built death camps.

VOX POPLAR- Next topic. Folks in Hollywood are getting a bad rap for not supporting the troops fighting in Iraq. What is the real view from Hollywood?

ROSIE O'DONNELL- amerikkkan troops kill

650,000,000 Iraqis

orson welles

orson bean

google it.

SEAN PENN- American soldiers are the puppets of the great fascist military industrial complex that sniff the soiled and bloody long-johns of corporate America.

PAUL HAGGIS- I don't support the war, but I support the troops. Even though they are all, to a man, a pack of baby killing, war crime committing, rapist psychopaths who think mass slaughter is the only solution to the world's problems. I even made a movie about how bad they are, the movie sucks, but it's gonna get me another Oscar!

VOX POPLAR- Have you actually met any American soldiers?

PAUL HAGGIS- Yes, a real soldier named Jesse MacBeth told me all about their bloodthirsty ways.

VOX POPLAR- That explains a lot. Nora Ephron?

NORA EPHRON- If American soldiers truly represented American ideals, they'd be from Park Avenue in Manhattan, Beverly Hills, or Malibu. They're just the dregs of fly-over country.

VOX POPLAR- Well, I think that wraps this up for now. So until next time, remember to keep watching the Hollywood Stars, because they know better than you.

-------------------------------------

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It's Graduation Time...

I was inspired by Remulak MoxArgon's recent speech at a high school graduation and I decided to look for inspiring graduation speeches.

Yet when I started looking I was less than inspired.

Sheesh.

Conservative speakers were outnumbered by Leftist speakers a staggering 8 to 1 at America's universities.

And I think the following speech is just a little too far...

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Transcript of a speech given to the Wasamatta University School of Journalism by Al Qaida spokesman Adam Gadahn.

Greetings infidel journalism graduates.

(smack)

I am grateful to be invited to speak to your class, in fact I jump at any excuse to get out of the cave. The air here is remarkably fresh and devoid of pesky bombs.

(smack)

But I'm not here to talk about the charms of the Tribal Regions. I'm here to offer my advice as an experienced media professional to you young hopeful journalism graduates. Hopefully, you will be able to follow my advice before we restore the global caliphate and slit all of your throats, leaving your blood to flow in rivers.

(smack)

Anyhoo.

(smack)

First. Keep blaming America. Even if America has nothing to do with whatever the hell is happening, blame them anyway. Look at Darfur, there's a genocide going on and the blame can only be placed squarely on Sudan's Islamist government and their Red Chinese co-dependents. Yet the media coverage makes it look like the sole cause is George W. Bush. That's great.

(smack)

Second. Keep ignoring things that makes the Iraq War look right. Ignore Saddam's human rights abuses, his aggression, and his corruption of the United Nations. Ignore that even Saddam's own generals thought he had WMDs and keep on the 'Bush lied' mantra. And keep on harping about Bush lying about Saddam being involved with 9/11. Sure he didn't order it, but he did give aid, shelter and medical care to those who did. It's up to you future journalists to follow your brothers who are already in the Mainstream Media in keeping that information suppressed.

(smack)

Third. You must also keep up the good work being done by your media in breaking the spirit of your country by accentuating and exaggerating every negative story associated with your military. Every victory must be presented as a defeat, the death of every American soldier must be hyped as much as the death of Princess Diana, and you must keep up with the accusations of torture and abuse, even though the only sources are people like me. Plus, you must maintain the ongoing suppression of Al Qaida's own torture manual.

(smack)

So in closing. I'd like to thank the Democratic Party and their friends in American infidel media, and tell them that my buddies in Al Qaida are really counting on your support. It takes a rare kind of person to aid and comfort an enemy in wartime just so they can get some short term political gain.

(smack)

Thank you all. Death to America!