Not So Fantastic 4!
A
DISCUSSION OF
MODERN FILM
BY
GALACTUS
DEVOURER OF WORLDS
Okay, I've been doing a little reading about the movie Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I've been very curious about that movie, considering it involves my herald that whiny little bastard the Silver Surfer and has to have at least a cameo by yours truly, me.
I wasn't interested in who'd they cast for the role. I have like cosmically big shoes to fill, so it can't be pulled off by any Hollywood pretty boy. I was leaning toward them casting some brawny fellow for the body, but get Christopher Lee to do the voice.
What did Marvel's movie division and 20th Century Fox do?
They made the character based on me a cloud.
What in the name of the big bang is that all about?
What were they thinking?
That drooling pimple-popping fanboys would fork over their money for a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a spandex bodysuit and not give a royal crap about the rest, that's what they were thinking.
What a pack of bastards.
It shows the exact reason why sequels are under-performing at the box office this year. Producers and filmmakers don't want to deal with characters and stories, all they want are lots of computer generated explosions, chicks in tight outfits, and the occasional shot at the Bush administration. So they take cheap short cuts, like making ME of all the people in the cosmos, a freaking cosmic killer fart.
I'm one of the most powerful villains in the Marvel comics universe. I literally eat planets and shit asteroids. I'm also charming, erudite, and drop dead sexy.
That's not a cloud.
I may not be allowed to eat Earth, but I think I might make a nice light snack out of Hollywood.
Bastards.
I wasn't interested in who'd they cast for the role. I have like cosmically big shoes to fill, so it can't be pulled off by any Hollywood pretty boy. I was leaning toward them casting some brawny fellow for the body, but get Christopher Lee to do the voice.
What did Marvel's movie division and 20th Century Fox do?
They made the character based on me a cloud.
A FREAKING CLOUD!
What in the name of the big bang is that all about?
What were they thinking?
That drooling pimple-popping fanboys would fork over their money for a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a spandex bodysuit and not give a royal crap about the rest, that's what they were thinking.
What a pack of bastards.
It shows the exact reason why sequels are under-performing at the box office this year. Producers and filmmakers don't want to deal with characters and stories, all they want are lots of computer generated explosions, chicks in tight outfits, and the occasional shot at the Bush administration. So they take cheap short cuts, like making ME of all the people in the cosmos, a freaking cosmic killer fart.
I'm one of the most powerful villains in the Marvel comics universe. I literally eat planets and shit asteroids. I'm also charming, erudite, and drop dead sexy.
That's not a cloud.
I may not be allowed to eat Earth, but I think I might make a nice light snack out of Hollywood.
Bastards.
1 comment:
HEAR HEAR!!! Oh Mighty Galactus..I humbly apologize for the temerity of the puny, insignificant humans who cannot comprehend your glorious personage.
Hail to Galactus...let you never be confused with a fart again!
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