I'm A National Treasure!
AMAJOR
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY
WILLIAM
"DOLLAR BILL"
JEFFERSON
(D-Louisiana)
Hello Democratic voters and folks with available cash.
It looks like the scat has hit the fan. Even though the Department of Justice was kind enough to wait two years so I could get re-elected, they couldn't wait any longer and indicted me for bribery, corruption, and a lot of other things.
Let me tell you that I will not take this lying down. I've got a lot of race cards, and I'm going to play every one like it was poker night at Al Sharpton's house. I'm going to hurl conspiracy theories, cover-ups, and crackpot theories not even Rosie O'Donnell will fall for.
Now it probably won't work with me being as guilty as homemade sin. But I am a Democrat, and so are a lot of federal judges, so even if I'm found guilty, which I probably will be, I'll most likely get off with probation. Because the justice system is not for fighting real corruption like mine. It's for imprisoning Republicans for not remembering about gossiping about something the prosecutor doesn't even think is a crime.
With my conviction inevitable, I will most likely be impeached from Congress. But don't cry for me. I'm already in negotiations to become a TV star.
Producer and Democrat Norman Lear wants me to star in a 'revamping' of The Jeffersons. Sure Lear hasn't actually produced anything on TV in like 20 years, but I'm sure he still has the same grasp on the public imagination that he did in 1975.
So let's all wish me luck and sing along to the new theme song!
Well I'm movin on out, over a bribe.
To a federal penitentiary for hard time.
Movin on out over a bribe.
For taking a big piece of the pie.
Cash don’t freeze in the kitchen;
Evidence won’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta lyin’ just to stay on Capitol Hill.
Now I'm heading to the big house
Gonna lose my pork barrel fat.
But if the judge is a Democrat I'm home free baby
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.
Then I'll be movin on up, to the East Side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up to the east side.
And I'll get to keep my piece of the pie.
It looks like the scat has hit the fan. Even though the Department of Justice was kind enough to wait two years so I could get re-elected, they couldn't wait any longer and indicted me for bribery, corruption, and a lot of other things.
Let me tell you that I will not take this lying down. I've got a lot of race cards, and I'm going to play every one like it was poker night at Al Sharpton's house. I'm going to hurl conspiracy theories, cover-ups, and crackpot theories not even Rosie O'Donnell will fall for.
Now it probably won't work with me being as guilty as homemade sin. But I am a Democrat, and so are a lot of federal judges, so even if I'm found guilty, which I probably will be, I'll most likely get off with probation. Because the justice system is not for fighting real corruption like mine. It's for imprisoning Republicans for not remembering about gossiping about something the prosecutor doesn't even think is a crime.
With my conviction inevitable, I will most likely be impeached from Congress. But don't cry for me. I'm already in negotiations to become a TV star.
Producer and Democrat Norman Lear wants me to star in a 'revamping' of The Jeffersons. Sure Lear hasn't actually produced anything on TV in like 20 years, but I'm sure he still has the same grasp on the public imagination that he did in 1975.
So let's all wish me luck and sing along to the new theme song!
Well I'm movin on out, over a bribe.
To a federal penitentiary for hard time.
Movin on out over a bribe.
For taking a big piece of the pie.
Cash don’t freeze in the kitchen;
Evidence won’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta lyin’ just to stay on Capitol Hill.
Now I'm heading to the big house
Gonna lose my pork barrel fat.
But if the judge is a Democrat I'm home free baby
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.
Then I'll be movin on up, to the East Side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up to the east side.
And I'll get to keep my piece of the pie.
1 comment:
Where's Weezie?
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