12/13/2005

Murder or Martyr

VOX: Good evening ladies and germs and welcome to the web's most popular game show "Murderer or Martyr?" Where our celebrity guests will try to figure out who's a murder and who's a martyr. Going head to head tonight are unemployed actor and self-employed activist Mike Farrell, and Nobel Prize winning playwright and crank Harold Pinter. First up, Mike Farrell. Tookie Williams. Murderer or Martyr?

MIKE FARRELL: I'll say martyr.

VOX: Sorry, you are dead wrong. He, is in fact, a murderer.

MIKE FARRELL: But he wrote some kid's books?

VOX: Yes, but he still murdered for people because of their race. You can still get some points if you answer this follow-up question. Would you try to save Tookie Williams if he was a white supremacist skinhead gang leader who killed an African American store clerk and a Chinese family, later wrote a book telling kids to avoid joining the Klan, but still denied any responsibility for his actions?

MIKE FARRELL: Eeewww! Hell no.

VOX: One point for admitting your own hypocrisy. But will it help you beat Harold here. Harold Pinter, Slobodan Milosevic: Murderer or Martyr?

HAROLD PINTER: Obviously he's a martyr to the blood soaked cause of American Imperialism. He's just misunderstood like Hitler or Saddam Hussein.

VOX: Sorry, you're wrong. But you can still get one point and tie with BJ Hunnicutt if you get this question right. Would Milosevic still be a martyr if he was overthrown by a military intervention by Russia?

HAROLD PINTER: Of course, Russia's not like America or Israel. They don't push around other countries and enslave whole continents with their democracy. Russia, especially under the good old days would never do anything to anyone unless they were truly evil.

VOX: So Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Afghanistan, and all the other nations oppressed by Russia were evil?

HAROLD PINTER: Don't be daft. Of course they're evil. They tried to live without the gentle guiding hand of Josef Stalin. That has to be evil.

VOX: Well, there are no points for Harold. So that makes Mike Farrell our winner.

MIKE FARRELL: What did I win?

VOX: A trip for two to Iran. One way. Now that I think about it. You can take Harold with you.

MIKE FARRELL: Woo-hoo! finally I can get out of this hell-hole of America and see a real freedom in action. Let's go Harold!

HAROLD PINTER: I'll gladly toss off the shackles of this foul western world and be truly free in Iran.

VOX: By the way Harold, tell them about your beliefs on religion, I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it.

1 comment:

Wyatt Earp said...

Mike Farrell. What has he ever done after MASH? Come to think of it, he sucked on MASH! Idiot.