Les Option Nuclear

A Special Guest Commentary by

Dominique DeVillepin

Prime Minister of France

Allo. Bonjour.

It is me, diplomat, raconteur, intellectual, ladies man, international weasel, and Prime Meenister of France Dominique De Villepin. I vould like to take a moment to tank Monsieur Poplar for letting me borrow his blog so I can explain to ze two or tree angry loners ‘oo actually read zis ting.

Anyway.

I ‘ear you are all abuzz about ze declaration by my President, ze lovely an’ fragrant Jacques Chirac, zat the great nation of France will use ze weapons nuclear against countries ‘oo back ze terrorism against us.

You see, France is a nation most civilized. We don’t ‘ave ze death penalty, ve tolerate ze violence and ze burning of ze cars perpetrated by ze Muslim yutes, and ve are always ze first to condemn les barbarians like ze Americanes when zey overtrow ze dictators ve amour so much.

Zat’s why we reserve ze right to do ze civilized ting and toss les weapons nuclear at ze countries 'oo dare to displease us.

You see only a tooly civilized nation like ze great state of France can understand zat ze best way to handle les terroristes is to kill as many innocent people as possible. Only a backward state like ze Americans would be so barbaric to overthrow les dictators an’ zink zat ze Arabs can enjoy ze democracy an’ ze freedom.

Vat a pack of ze rubes as your hillbillies are fond of saying. Ze people of ze Middle East are not... um...

What is ze word?

Blanc?

I got it, zey are not white enough to enjoy ze democracy and ze freedom. Zat is vy ve keep our own citizens in ze ghettoes and keep zem from getting ze bonne education, ze jobs decent, or from practicing ze assimilation because of zeir ethnicity. You may call us les racistes, but ve are joost expressing vat it tooly means to be French.

So don’t dare condemn France when Mecca is ze big smoking hole and ze whole monde de Islamique goes on ze beserk.

Remember zis les ignorant Americaines, overthrowing ze dictators an' spreading ze democracy is most barbarique, but a willingness to commit ze genocide on ze scale most grand is what makes a nation tooly civilized.