Infidel Talking...

A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY

BY
HIS HOLINESS
POPE BENEDICT XVI
(translated from Latin)

Hi folks.

As you might recall, I got a tad... what's the right word?

Testy.

Yeah, I got a bit testy when I participated in a roundtable talk with Ayatollah of Rock'n Rollah and Rockhead O'Donnell the other day. Angry words word were exchanged, and things got a bit ugly. I'm willing to confess to letting my passions get the best of me. However, I believe in a loving and forgiving God, so I'm not afraid to admit it.

However.

First our brothers and sisters in the Islamic world went all bugshit, pardon my french, over me using a 14th century quote in a rather academic discussion about how one cant's spread true religious faith through violence. I guess quoting people to illustrate their views of Muslims is somehow an offense to Allah.

Well, excuuuuuuusssssse ME!

Now Steve Martin's gonna sue me for copyright infringement, but what the hell.

I just want to send this simple message to the Muslim people of the world.

WHAT
IS
YOUR
MAJOR
MALFUNCTION
NUMBNUTS!

I'm serious.

What's wrong with you?

I use a 700 year old quote in an academic discussion and it offends you. However, unlike reasonable people, who when faced with offence argue with logic, you start rioting and raging, firebombing churches (some not even Catholic) and then one of your brave mujahadin SHOOTS A NUN IN THE BACK!

What did this poor lady do to you?

What crime did she commit?

Let's look at her record. She was 65 years old and had dedicated her life to caring for the sick and injured in places like Somalia.

She didn't have to go to Somalia, the armpit of Africa, it's a country notorious for its radical Islamist warlords and where the word 'gratitude' comes after 'gimme' and 'gotcha' in the Somali dictionary.

But she went there anyways. Not for some personal profit, not for glory, but because she was desperately needed. Apparently Somalia's Islamic brethren believe that oil money is better spent on killing people than on building & staffing schools and hospitals.

I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that the cowardly son of a bitch that murdered her is being called a hero by his Islamist buddies. It takes a special type of hero to shoot an old woman in the back.

But what can you do?

Apparently a free and open exchange of ideas with references to historical sources is a great affront to the honour of Allah. (I use their term, because they sure as shit ain't talkin' about the God I love) Also the honour of Allah is so delicate and fragile that it requires homicidal rage and the murder of innocent people to salvage it.

So let me get this straight... I'm a bit of a theology buff.

Allah is all powerful. But he also has a fragile ego and demands blood and murder to appease him.

I'm sorry, but that ain't no face of God that I'm familiar with.

Let's look at recent history:

Salman Rushdie writes a really boring book. Some Ayatollahs say this book offends Allah, Muslims around the world go into a homicidal rage, and lots of people around the world end up dead.

A Dutch filmmaker makes a movie challenging the treatment of women in the Islamic world. He ends up butchered on the street and the writer of the film has to go into hiding.

Some Danish cartoonists draw some pretty mild cartoons of Mohammed in the name of free speech. Some Imams add a few of their own, declare that they offend Allah, and once again, lots of people, mostly Muslims end up dead.

And now this.

I'm getting death threats, protests and folks like this running around.

That's got to be the worst effigy of me that's ever been burned. I'm disappointed in that.

Is there something about God's Greatest Gift to Humanity (Free Will) that is somehow offensive to the God that created it?

If it is, why did God create it in the first place?

You wanna know something?

I feel really sorry for the sane, sensible, moderate Muslims out there, folks who believe in a God that is bigger than the petty prejudices of their mortal leaders.

Yes, there are some left in the world. But they've been effectively silenced in fear by what used to be the lunatic fringe of their religion.

Now when people hear the words 'Muslim' or 'Islam,' they don't think about the average folks working hard to build better lives for their families, they think about hooded murderers cutting off heads and blowing up schoolchildren.

Now some may say that I'm using hyperbole, but I use the words 'lunatic fringe' with all seriousness.

Who else but lunatics would demand blood and violence over others saying that they're inherently violent?

Who else but lunatics wouldn't see the irony in that?

Why do I even bother.

Good night, and God bless.