My fellow Americans.
We live in a dangerous time. Death and destruction looms over this country like a great big... um... looming thing. And it threatens to destroy us all.
I'm not talking about international terrorism, Islamic fascism, or even the evil that is Wal-Mart.
I'm talking about a TV miniseries.
The evil ABC corporation has decided to destroy this great country of ours by airing a miniseries about the events and decisions that led to the tragedy of 9/11/01. And to add insult to injury, they dared to expose the fecklessness, recklessness, and foolishness of the Clinton Administration.
The film's producer's claim that their story is backed up by facts.
How dare they use facts against a Democratic presidency!
That's why we Democrats are demanding that the miniseries be pulled, it's producers blacklisted, and all copies of this ABOMINATION destroyed.
Sure, their dramatizations have foundations in actual events, but we're talking about Democrats! We have the monopoly on what simple people consider truth!
Why do we control media if we can't make it do what we say?
That's why we're taking some rather drastic steps. Steps no Republican would dare take because the media would start shitting kittens if they dared try.
We are demanding that the film be pulled and replaced by something WE DEMOCRATS deem to be more truthful, like Fahrenheit 9/11, or Loose Change, or Syriana. George Clooney got fat for Syriana, that's gotta mean something!
Now there are those who would consider this a grievous violation of free speech. But you must remember, the Democratic Party reserves the right to decide what speech is worthy of being free. It's just the way it is!
So join me and my fellow Democrats in standing up against this terrible threat to our nation's security.
Forget about the terrorists, they only want to kill us and destroy our civilisation, this evil miniseries is the true danger.
It might make people think badly of the Clintons.
Thank you and good night.