It's Getting Drafty In The House...



My fellow Americans, we are at a crossroads. There is a grievous threat to the plans of my fellow Democrats to de-fund the war in Iraq, pull out our troops and pave the way for mass slaughter and rampant Islamism in the oil rich Persian Gulf.

That threat is good troop morale.

Despite all the efforts of congressional Democrats and our friends in the mainstream media to portray them as bloodthirsty psychopathic killers, inbred illiterate incompetents, or pathetic losers, and their mission as part of a grand conspiracy for Halliburton and Israel, surveys show that a majority still believes in their mission and in their role as volunteer members of the United States Military.

We cannot allow such positive feeling to exist in the military of the United States while we are in a state of war. If it keeps up we might actually win the damn thing and that would get the Republicans re-elected.

That's why I'm proposing the reinstatement of the draft.

If the members of the military are too busy feeling good about themselves and their mission then we have no choice than to flood their ranks with people that the military doesn't want who also don't want to be there.

Only through the destruction of the military's spirit can we finally end this war through American surrender and radical Islamist victory.

And that high spirit is evidence of why we need a draft in the first place. An all volunteer military must be comprised of essentially the semi-retarded scum of the Earth.

I mean who else would join the US military during wartime?


Believers in democracy and freedom?

People who actually like being in the military?


Who could possibly support a democratic system that allows a shameless attention whore, self-hating American, and political opportunist like me a position of importance in the Congress.

It has to be the blood money the military's paying these inbred hillbillies who are too dumb to ask if you 'want fries with that' to sign up.

Now any draft system would naturally leave wide openings for the children of the rich and politically connected to get out, but that's essential, upscale draft-dodgers are the Democratic Party's base, and we can't afford to lose them.

Now I'm sure a lot of you blood-sucking Republican types would drag out all kinds of studies and stats that show that the enlistment goals are being met and that the average member of the military is neither poor, nor uneducated and that servicemen and women tend to be more intelligent, educated, and prosperous than their civilian counterparts, and I have one answer to that.


This is a Democratic Party program we're talking about, it's supposed to be unwanted, unneccessary, expensive, corrupt to the core, and serve only one purpose, the destruction of military morale and the defeat of the United States and any political party lame enough to defend it.

And I'll leave you with these words of wisdom I recently gave on television.

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