Vox Poplar's Unabashed Political Dictionary

This is a sample of a dictionary of 21st century political terms that I'm compiling. If you have your own terms, please include them in the COMMENTS section and I'll be sure to swipe your idea, nudge nudge wink wink.

Here's what I've got so far.

SELF FULFILLING IDIOCY: A political strategy whose authors claim will bring victory but only exacerbates existing problems. EG: Yasser Arafat's Intifadas, the Political Strategems of Howard Dean.

ANTI-SEMITE: A species of idiot that wants to personally commit genocide against Jewish people.

ANTI-ZIONIST: A moonbat/idiot hybrid that wants others to commit genocide against Jewish people.

TFH: Tin Foil Hat. Some shorthand to describe anything of a whacky conspiratorial nature. "That politician's speech was so TFH."

What have you got?

THIS JUST IN...

COMING SOON: AL-QAIDA TV.

International terrorist organisation and beard appreciation society Al-Qaida announced that it no longer trust Al-Jazeera to be it's mouthpiece and will broadcast their own version of a 'news' program over the internet. The search is on for an anchor for this program. Dan Rather applied but was rejected over questions over his journalistic integrity. They also rejected a proposed phone in show starring Al Franken, citing concerns over the money collected for charity going to where it's supposed to go, buying guns and explosives.

IRISH REPUBLICAN DIS-ARMY.

The Irish Repulican Army announced that it has gotten rid of the last of its weapons and is completely disarmed. When skeptics asked where all those guns went, the IRA hemmed and hawed before finally admitting that they sold them to the New Orleans PD who they thought needed as much firepower as they could get.

DON'T DROP THE SOAP IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

A McGill University student in Montreal filed a complaint with the school claiming that he had been sodomized during a hazing ritual for the football team. When asked if he believed the student's claim, University President Seymour Buttes said: "Sodomy? My ass!"

HURRICANE SHEEHAN BLOWS HERSELF OUT

Less than 30 people showed for radical anti-war activist, anti-semitezionist, and professional griever Cindy Sheehan's 'March on Washington' that promised over 100,000 people. Instead of bringing the whole city to a halt, Cindy's protest merely boosted the lunch crowd at Vic's Vegan Deli & Fair Trade Coffee Shop. When the shop ran out of soy-milk for her latte Cindy promptly blamed it on Israel and declared that the barista was "Worse than Hitler," and that a lady named Lucy Schwartzbaum should "end her illegal and immoral occupation of the ladies room."

HAVEN'T THEY SUFFERED ENOUGH?

Washed up singer, self-proclaimed 'King of Pop,' and poster child for body dysmorphic syndrome Michael Jackson has begun recording an album to help the victims of hurricane Katrina. It's expected to raise somewhere around $25 in total. $1.45 will go to survivors of Katrina, $20 to pay Jackson's legal bills, and the rest will be stolen by Air America.

CANADA GOES VICE-REGAL.

Canada got a new head of state with the swearing in of journalist, documentarian, and suspected separatist Michaelle Jean to the post of Governor General. She replaces fellow CBC personality empress dowager Adrienne Clarkson. MM. Jean was picked because of her background as a journalist, her respected standing in Quebec, her refugee to riches life-story and that Prime Minister Paul Martin thinks she's kinda hot. It's believed by many experts that when her term is over MME. Jean will be replaced by either Jerome the Giraffe of Finnigan from Mr. Dressup. (Canuck only joke alert!)

PASS THE BLAME FOR THE HURRICANES

Former Vice President Al Gore declared that hurricanes like Katrina and Rita would not be happening if he had been elected and signed the Kyoto Accord. Ironically a new study by Dr. Otto Hassepeffer of the Global Meteorological Institute of Bern, Switzerland states that the excess heat in the atmosphere is caused by hot air being expelled by politicians who lose elections but just can't let go.

BEING A LIBERAL MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY...

...OR DO ANY JAIL TIME

Advertising flack and Canadian Liberal Party Hack Paul Coffin has been given house arrest for stealing millions of dollars of Canadian taxpayer's money through bogus advertising deals. As part of his sentence he's to give lectures on business ethics to university students. In the same vein NHL goon Todd Bertuzzi will teach kids about good sportsmanship, Dan Rather will lecture about journalistic integrity, Osama Bin Ladin will lecture on religious tolerance, and Nawlins Mayor Ray Nagin will teach a course on crisis management and emergency preparedness.

Hitchens vs Galloway: This Time It's Political!

The other day New York witnessed a major event a debate about Iraq, and world politics and here is the only place where you'll find the real 100% fake but accurate transcript of the the debate. So let's get ready to rumble!

FROM THE RIGHT: Christopher Hitchens, journalist, author, raconteur and respected intellectual.

FROM THE WRONG: George Galloway MP (Tikrit North-West), politician, loudmouth, and best buddy to dictators.

--------------------------------------------------------

HITCHENS: I'd like to start with a simple declaration of fact. Saddam Hussein was a brutal and vile dictator. He engaged in genocide using poison gas, attacked Iraq's neighbours without provocation, used torture and rape to suppress democracy, violated every agreement and treaty he ever signed, and manipulated a corrupt and moribund United Nations to pocket immense profits for himself and his cronies at the expense of his own people.

GALLOWAY: Och! That's joost the sort of tosh one expects from a drink-sodden ex-Troskyist popinjay who has been soobverted by the neo-con-Israel-Halliburton conspiracy! Saddam Hussein was the greatest champion of peace the world has ever seen. All he was trying to bring peace to the region, by eliminating war-mongering fifth columnists like the Kurds, Shia, and Israel! As we speak crusader soldiers are violating the gentle virgin daughters of Baghdad while George W. Bush drinks the blood of Arab babies from the skulls of children.

HITCHENS: And you think I'm drink sodden. I don't think there's an intoxicant known to mankind that can produce the level of dementia you're exhibiting here George. The only explanation I can think of for your behavior is that you're either insane, still getting Oil for Food money, or both.

GALLOWAY: I'll sue you, you bastard!

HITCHENS: What's the bloody matter with you? There isn't a vicious dictator you don't like. If it's not Stalin, it's Saddam Hussein and with him in jail it's now Bashar Assad.

GALLOWAY: I am the voice of the oppressed and the downtrodden!

HITCHENS: You represent the oppressed and the downtrodden by supporting the very same people who are doing the oppressing.

GALLOWAY: Saddam Hussein and Bashar Assad seek to bring to bring peace to the world. The real terrorists aren't in Al-Qaida or Hamas. They're in the White House and Downing Street. As we speak Tony Blair is feasting upon grilled Iraqi babies with his Likud Party masters!

HITCHENS: Better living through mass slaughter? You’re delusional.

GALLOWAY: Blow it out yer arse!

HITCHENS: How about some simple questions George? Like how is it possible that you, having met Tariq Aziz many times, being the best man at the wedding of Oil for Food suspect Fawaz Zureikat, and naming him chairman of your pseudo-charity Mariam Appeal, have never had any discussion of potential misunderstandings related to your involvement in the Oil for Food program?

GALLOWAY: As we speak George Bush is sitting on a throne made from the bones of Iraqi virgins while flushing Korans down the loo!

HITCHENS: You didn't answer my question. Well, here's another one. How come your buddy Zureikat was certified by the Iraqi government as having six oil allocations, failed to tell you that your name is on just about every document next to his?

GALLOWAY: As we speak Tony Blair is re-upholstering the furniture in Buckingham Palace with the skin of Arab people! Abu-Musab-Al-Zarqawi merely wants an end to these atrocities. Atrocities that can only end with the deaths of 80% of the population of Iraq. Don't you folks want peace.

HITCHENS: You're not very good at answering questions, are you?

GALLOWAY: Over two hundred million people in Iraq have been killed by the rampaging hordes of imperialism. We must stop this madness, for as we speak George W. Bush is fornicating with Condoleeza Rice on a bed made of the corpses of Arab children.

HITCHENS: What about the Iraqi election?

GALLOWAY: There can never be a true democracy with power out of the hands of the Sunni and in the hands of Iraq's majority.

HITCHENS: What about the Cedar Revolution in Lebanon? Syria is now out and there's democracy taking root there.

GALLOWAY: All lies. Lies to improve the standing of Israel!

HITCHENS: And what's with this so-called 'peace tour' you're going on with Jane Fonda. Are you really going to tour America in a bloody vegetable oil fueled bus?

GALLOWAY: Jane Fonda's dropped out but I'm still going. The author of the Vagina Monologues suggested it and I thought it was a capital idea.

HITCHENS: You're a complete arse-head.

GALLOWAY: That's it you big fat...uh...POOPY PANTS! I'll kick yer arse from here to next Sunday!

HITCHENS: Bring it on Bee-otch!

BIFF!

POW!

WHAM!

WEDGIE!

GALLOWAY: Och! Me noots!

--------------------------------------

There you have it folks, one of the most profound political debates of this century, and you read it here first.

"What Really Bugs Me..."

P-GARD ADULT DIAPERS

&

VIOXXGRA

THE PILL FOR THE HORNY & ARTHIRITIC

PRESENT

A SPECIAL GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY

ANDY ROONEY

Is this thing working?

I swear these damn interweb thingies are the tool of the devil....

I'm on?

Okay.

This is my first attempt at being one of those web-blobbers and I'm still trying to get the hang of the damned whatchamacallit...

You know?

The thing with the typewriter attached to the little television?

The computer! That's it.

Well, it's me, Andy Rooney, curmudgeon in residence for 60 MINUTES, sometimes called The Night of the "Are They Still Living?" Dead. And for the September 11th edition of the venerable news magazine where Morley Safer's still considered a young whippersnapper, I decided not to talk about the war on terrorism and the 9/11 attacks like everyone else and talked about one my all time favourite cities.

I'm talking about Boston

New York

The Hamptons

Greenwich Connecticut

New Orleans.

In my little spiel I talked about how I served in WW2 as a reporter, how the city was the birthplace of jazz, and home to wonderful restaurants... Those uptight network suits wouldn't let me reminisce about my nights at Madame Giselle's cathouse with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a trained puma, so screw them.

Eventually I got to the main point of my little speech.

The destruction of New Orleans and the loss of life and property is all George W. Bush's fault.

And it is.

I even made up a nice set of lists, I like lists, that should make everything nice and clear.

THINGS THAT DID NOT CAUSE THE DESTRUCTION & CHAOS IN NEW ORLEANS:

1. Mayor Ray Nagin's refusal to follow his city's own plan for handling hurricanes.
2. Governor Blanco's refusal to call the National Guard until after the crap hit the fan.
3. Massive numbers of police fleeing their posts in the face of the disaster.
4. Mayor Nagin's leaving of hundreds of city buses to be flooded out in a parking lot instead of using them to evacuate people.
5. Governor Blanco's ordering the National Guard to block the Red Cross and Salvation Army from helping the people in the Superdome as part of some brilliant plan to inspire them to move.
6. The incompetence, indecision, and corruption that's inherent in New Orleans and Louisiana politics.

Isn't it obvious?

Now here's a list of THINGS THAT CAUSED THE DEATH & DESTRUCTION IN NEW ORLEANS.

1. George W. Bush.
2. George W. Bush taking a vacation in Crawford.
3. George W. Bush's refusal to do the bidding of Cindy Sheehan.
4. George W. Bush's refusal to sign the Kyoto Accord even though it was unanimously kaiboshed by congress.
5. George W. Bush being elected over the handsome and charming John Kerry.
6. George W. Bush being born.
7. George W. Bush believing the Iraqi WMD claims of over a dozen international intelligence agencies over the claims of a guy who sat by a pool in Niger for a week.

And so that you can't go around saying I blame everything on George W. Bush, I have one more thing that caused the destruction of New Orleans:

8. Karl Rove.

Now you know better.

So forget about all those pesky facts, and remeber that the unvarnished truth can only come out of an octogenaric Democratic Party hack who only recent success lately has been in making Mike Wallace look young.

So long, and remember to blame Republicans for everything.

Do it enough times and you'll become an American Institution like me.

The Sean Penn Nobody Knows

All right, I confess.

I'm one of the pesky pyjama-clad bloggers who have been making fun of actor/loudmouth Sean Penn and his recent antics on the leaky boat carrying him, a photographer, a publicist, and a large portion of Lake Ponchartrain. But I'd like to take a moment and talk about the Sean Penn that doesn't really get talked about. I'm talking about the Sean Penn nobody knows.

Sean Penn was born in a log cabin in Malibu, California in 1946, the seventh of twelve children born to Hieronymous Aloysius Penn, a former seal-skinner turned film director and freelance gigolo from the fjords of Saskatchewan, and Ingrid Terwilliger Penn, former heavyweight boxer, and defrocked Presbyterian Archdeacon of Edinburgh.

Heironymous Penn became a successful director of such films as: The Saskatchewan Seal Skinners, Night of the Saskatchewan Seal Skinners, Revenge of the Saskatchewan Seal Skinners, and Skinners!, a musical. However his career came to a crashing halt when the Saskatchewan seal skinning fad had ended, replaced by hula hoops, and casual sex. The studios offered Hieronymous scripts that dealt with hula hoops and casual sex, but since he was strong believer in an artist working with what he knew, he couldn't bring himself to make a film that didn't involve skinning seals in Saskatchewan.

It fell upon Sean to become the family's chief breadwinner, so he struck out to make it as a nightclub singer. After his first performance the family fell into dire poverty and his eleven siblings were sold, mostly for their organs, to pay the back taxes and maintain Hieronymous's addiction to Hostess Twinkies.

However, Sean's plight had attracted the attention of Frank Sinatra, who called him 'the most pathetic excuse for an act I have ever seen,' and hired him as comic relief for Ocean's 11.

He was soon fired for constantly pointing and giggling at Frank's hairpiece, for bumming smokes off Dean and Sammy, and never paying them back, and for punching out all the cameramen.

Despondent, Sean gave up on showbiz, and went to Irving Shumway Institute of Technology and Clog Dancing to pursue other avenues. While there he built the world's first artificial intelligence, named Collossus, and is pictured here:

Normally successfully building a hyperintelligent supercomputer out of cigarette wrappers, bottlecaps, and some thing he found in the basement that goes 'bing' for a school project would be considered a great achievement. However, since he was studying interpretive clog dancing, it wasn't fully appreciated by his teachers.

Colossus the Supercomputer decided to get rid of his accidental creator by having him hurled into a time space anomaly created by superheating a Taco Bell burrito inside a microwave while wrapped in tinfoil.

This incident flung him into the 23rd Century. There he was recruited into Starfleet and made Captain of the Starship the USS Hugh Essess with the crew pictured here.

That career was short lived though. Starfleet High Command decided that it should give out commands based on merit and ability, and not based on who can shove more crayons up their nose. Sean tried to hold onto his beloved ship, but the crew had grown tired of his constant orders to "Attack Uranus to wipe out Klingons," and forced open a temporal anomaly to send him back to the 20th Century.

Back in the present Sean was looking for a new career, and found one that fit right in with his love of anti-American dictators. He became head torturer for Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge.

He only lasted a month, because Pol Pot, who was busy slaughtering half of his country's population, thought Penn's technique of forcing subjects to watch Woody Allen dramas was just too cruel and nasty, even for him.

But Penn could not deny that there was showbiz in his blood, so he returned to Hollywood and became an actor. It was as an actor that he became famous for his intense performances, brooding style, love of punching photographers, and his marriage to Madonna pictured with him here:

But he's more than just an actor with a big mouth, limited understanding of the world, and a fetish for dictators, he's also a genuine American Hero.

No I'm not talking about his half-assed boat trip in New Orleans. I'm talking about his tireless work protecting our planet as:

SUPER-MEGA-MECHA-PENN!

Oh, sure it's easy to say that all he's doing is running around chain-smoking, and screaming like a crazyman in a wacky suit, but he assures me that it's the only way to keep the aliens at bay. And since we haven't been invaded by aliens yet, I tend to believe him.

So now you know the rest of the story, can we please stop picking on him now?

1 ON 1 WITH SEAN PENN

VOX: Welcome. Sean Penn is an Oscar winning actor, political activist, pseudo-journalist, friend to dictators the world over, barbecue sauce pitchman in Japan, and most recently a genuine search and rescue hero. Dismayed over recent events in New Orleans Penn and his entourage piled into a rented boat and set out to save the day. They never actually rescued anyone, and in fact, had to be rescued themselves from the leaking craft, but actually achieving nothing doesn’t diminish from his—ah—achievement. Sean Penn joins me now.

***

SEAN: Whoah, dude that was some long intro. Got any smokes.

VOX: Sorry, I don’t smoke.

SEAN: Fascist.

VOX: What?

SEAN: Nothing.

VOX: Fine, let’s start the interview. What drove you to fill a boat to capacity with photographers, publicists and assorted hangers on and sail headfirst into the New Orleans disaster area?

SEAN: I was looking to help people. Those fascists in the federal government weren’t doing anything to help, so it was up to me save all those people.

VOX: What about the National Guard?

SEAN: What about them?

VOX: They were sent by the federal government to help the people of New Orleans.

SEAN: Whoah, dude. That’s like so far off. The National Guard ain’t there to do anything but kill black people. Kanye West told me so at the after-party for the NBC telethon at Diddy’s place.

VOX: And all the food, water, medicine, and transportation out of the floodzone...?

SEAN: All an evil scheme hatched by Karl Rove, dude. The fascist pigs in the media are like covering it all up. They Republicans are trying to destroy New Orleans as part of a plot to destroy the nation’s best twenty-four strip joints. First it’s Pierre’s Pussycat Lounge in New Orleans, next, it’s Big Bob’s Booby Bonanza in Las Vegas. Mark my words man, it’s all a big conspiracy.

VOX: An interesting theory. What’s the basis you have for it?

SEAN: First, they start a war in Iraq to distract us all from this conspiracy. Saddam’s a great guy, and Iraq was just a peace-loving country where children flew kites in fields of golden corn, and not a Kurd or Shia in sight to blot the landscape. It was beautiful before the American Fascists dropped their nuclear bombs and killed everybody.

VOX: They’re not all dead. In fact, they’re busy writing a new constitution.

SEAN: That’s what Rupert Murdoch and his Fascist Fox Death machine wants you to think. It’s all done with animatronic puppets from Jim Henson, dude.

VOX: Let’s get back to your theory.

SEAN: Oh, yeah, my theory. Then they get this Patriot Act passed which gives the government the right to close down 24 hour strip joints in ‘the event of an emergency.’ So then Karl Rove goes down to New Orleans on the day of the storm with a big hammer to smash holes in the levee, while the Republicans keep everyone trapped in the flood zone. See, it’s so obvious.

VOX: All right. What about the Democratic Mayor, and Democratic Governor who held off calling for a mandatory evacuation of the city for fear of being sued by hotels and airlines, even though reports said that the coming storm surge was bigger than their tallest levee? And they only finally got around to calling for a mandatory evacuation after President Bush begged them to do it. Doesn’t that show more failings on the part of the municipal and state levels than the federal government?

SEAN: That’s just Fox News hate-mongering.

VOX: And what about the 250+ school and transit buses that were abandoned less than a mile from the poorly equipped and operated shelter in the Superdome?

SEAN: Industrial Light & Magic made up those photos. George W. Bush took away all the schools and school buses as part of his ‘All Children Left Behind’ program. Ben Affleck told me so.

VOX: You can’t beat Ben Affleck as a source. So the whole disaster is part of a big plan to deprive America of 24 hour strip joints. Where else did you dig up this information?

SEAN: It’s out there. You just have to look at real impartial sources like MoveOn, Democratic Underground, and the discussion board at High Times. They have the pieces of the truth.

VOX: But it takes an actor, born and raised in Hollywood, with little formal education to actually put the pieces together?

SEAN: Exactly, dude. That’s why the world would me much better off it was run by actors. Our ability to act out words and actions written by others gives us a deeper understanding of how the world works.

VOX: Like Ronald Reagan?

SEAN: Who?

VOX: Not important. What do you think about the breakdown of law and order?

SEAN: It’s still a pretty good show, even without Jerry Orbach.

VOX: Not the TV show. I’m talking about law and order in New Orleans. 2/3s of the NOPD either fled their posts or didn’t show up for work. That left the remaining 500 outnumbered and outgunned, and then some of the missing 1000 officers were caught on tape looting a Wal-Mart.

SEAN: Boy, you really are spitting out all those Karl Rove talking points aren’t you? That stuff’s all manufactured by Fox News to turn everyone against black people.

VOX: But none of this happened in Alabama and Mississippi where the local government didn’t fall apart in the face of and the people there, black and white, worked together to overcome hardships. So, why would this conspiracy only vilify the people in one city and leave others of the same race not only looking good, but brave, and often heroic?

SEAN: Vilify? Look dude, I only do interviews in English.

VOX: It is an English word, it means to do something to make someone look bad.

SEAN: I didn’t say it was a well-run conspiracy. It’s not like they have an actor in charge.

VOX: I’ll say. We haven’t heard stories of gang members laying siege to a children’s hospital looking for drugs in Mississippi or Alabama.

SEAN: Those were Republicans disguised as gang members looking for drugs to sell to their buddies in Iraq.

VOX: I thought you said everyone in Iraq was dead?

SEAN: I came here to do an interview, not have holes poked in my beliefs!

VOX: Let’s get back to your attempted rescue. How many people did you think you could fit into a boat that was already packed full of people?

SEAN: All right, I admit it. I could have used a bigger boat, preferably one without holes in it. Are you happy now you sonofabitch?

VOX: Why didn’t you use your own boat?

SEAN: I’m not letting any strangers onto my baby! Go knows where they’ve been! Now, if you don’t mind. I have to go back to New Orleans to save more people.

VOX: Don’t you mean ‘try to save more people?’

SEAN: Are you being a smart-ass? I do have an Oscar, you know. Now I must go UP-UP-& AWAY!

*WHOOSH*

*CRASH*

SEAN: Oowww...

VOX: Are you all right? It looks like your nose took most of the impact.

SEAN: Yo, dude, be a pal, and call 911 please.

VOX: Sure, I can’t leave you there, you’ll leave bloodstains on the carpet. That’s all for today folks.

LIVE FROM HELL!

VOX: A lot of people in the anti-war crowd love to compare George W. Bush to German mega-monster Adolph Hitler. I didn’t care for that little analogy, but those whacky moonbats just won’t listen to reason. So, I decided to go straight to the horses mouth. With my trusty ouija board I reached down into the darkest depths of the ninth circle of hell and managed to make contact with the freaking fascist himself Adolph Hitler. Welcome Herr Hitler.

HITLER: It’s a pleasure to be here. At least as close as a pleasure as I can get in this place.

VOX: What exactly is life in hell like?

HITLER: Let’s see, today’s Thursday, so I’m supposed to be suckling acid from the leathery teats of the Mother of Damnation while her spawn ram several cacti up my rectum with a mallet. Then I’d spend the afternoon getting my skin slowly burnt off while my genitalia are chewed on by a horde of rabid weasels. Then my torn and scorched flesh regenerates, and it starts all over again.

VOX: And this interview is giving you a break from your eternal torment?

HITLER: Not really. During this interview I will have my right eye repeatedly plucked out with a knife.

*sklitch*

OOOOWWWW!!! Dammit! What did I do to deserve this... Oh, yeah, all that evil... Let’s get this interview over with. If I’m late for fellating the Legions of Torment I’ll literally be buggered with a chain-saw.

VOX: A lot of people on the left are comparing George W. Bush to you. What do you think about that?

HITLER: Goes to show that history is a poorly taught subject these days. I mean come on; even I can see that I’m a huge raving monster psycho ass-wipe. It’s taken sixty years of having my one gonad being repeated hacked off with a rusty spoon, but I can see that now-

*sklitch*

OOOOWWW!!! Damn it! Where was I?

VOX: You were talking about being a psycho ass-wipe.

HITLER: I started a war for no other reason than my own freaking ego. That alone got millions of people killed, and to top it all off I then slaughtered even millions more because of my own ignorant and hateful bigotry. That’s why I’m spending every night running a boulder up a mountain of red-hot coals in my bare-feet. Did you know that in hell you still have to go to the bathroom?

VOX: No I didn’t.

HITLER: The catch is that there are no bathrooms. I’ve been holding it for sixty years.

VOX: that must piss you off.

HITLER: Everybody’s a comedian. Let’s get back on topic. There’s no way George W. Bush is anywhere near like me. He invaded Iraq because Iraq disobeyed the United Nations and gave money, supplies, and shelter to terrorists. I invaded Poland, not because the Poles attacked me, but because I felt like it. I thought I could rule the planet. George W. Bush just wants an end to terrorism. And then—

*sklitch*

OOOOWWW!!! Dammit! Where was I? Oh yeah, I killed men, women and children indiscriminately. George W. Bush has been trying to minimize civilian casualties, even when it jeopardizes his mission. That ain’t what I’d do. Kill’em all was my philosophy, and look where it’s got me.

VOX: What about Abu Ghraib?

HITLER: A pack of hillbilly mouth-breathers who couldn’t pull a decent atrocity out of their own ass. How can their crimes, which have pegged them for a little purgatory, compare to the previous management of that prison. Saddam Hussein had ‘rape rooms,’ and a chamber where he ran people through a massive shredder. Those hicks were strictly small time. And look at Guantanamo Boy. Three hot meals a day, no random executions, and the Americans respect their religious beliefs. That’s not a prison camp, it’s a freaking holiday spa. George W. Bush ain’t worse than me, in fact, he ain’t nowhere near me. Bush won’t be joining me, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot here anytime soon, that’s for sure.

VOX: Looks like our time is up. Do you have any last messages for the world of the living before you return to your eternal damnation?

HITLER: I have a few things to say. First to the protestors: Bush isn’t me, in fact, he’s fighting folks who want to be me. You’re cheering for the wrong side you dorks. I’d also like to say something to the whole world: There is a God, murder is evil, and evil really pisses him off, draw your own conclusions. Then a final word to the terrorists: Saddam, Usama, Abu-Musab, I’ll be seeing you all soon and will keep a nice sharp rock warm for you.

TAKE THE VOX POPLAR MOONBAT QUIZ!

Have you wondered what kind of moonbat you really are deep down?

If your answer to that question is 'yes' than take the patented and 100% fake, yet accurate:

VOX POPLAR'S MOONBAT QUIZ!

A simple yet comprehensive test that anyone can do. Even Howard Dean could do it, if he could stop screaming for a few minutes.

Find out if you're:

A POLITICAL MOONBAT

AN ACADEMIC MOONBAT

A HOLLYWOOD MOONBAT

A HIPPIE PROTESTING MOONBAT

A MAINSTREAM MEDIA MOONBAT

So take the quiz now and free your inner moonbat.

I like saying Moonbat...