Hitchens vs Galloway: This Time It's Political!

The other day New York witnessed a major event a debate about Iraq, and world politics and here is the only place where you'll find the real 100% fake but accurate transcript of the the debate. So let's get ready to rumble!

FROM THE RIGHT: Christopher Hitchens, journalist, author, raconteur and respected intellectual.

FROM THE WRONG: George Galloway MP (Tikrit North-West), politician, loudmouth, and best buddy to dictators.

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HITCHENS: I'd like to start with a simple declaration of fact. Saddam Hussein was a brutal and vile dictator. He engaged in genocide using poison gas, attacked Iraq's neighbours without provocation, used torture and rape to suppress democracy, violated every agreement and treaty he ever signed, and manipulated a corrupt and moribund United Nations to pocket immense profits for himself and his cronies at the expense of his own people.

GALLOWAY: Och! That's joost the sort of tosh one expects from a drink-sodden ex-Troskyist popinjay who has been soobverted by the neo-con-Israel-Halliburton conspiracy! Saddam Hussein was the greatest champion of peace the world has ever seen. All he was trying to bring peace to the region, by eliminating war-mongering fifth columnists like the Kurds, Shia, and Israel! As we speak crusader soldiers are violating the gentle virgin daughters of Baghdad while George W. Bush drinks the blood of Arab babies from the skulls of children.

HITCHENS: And you think I'm drink sodden. I don't think there's an intoxicant known to mankind that can produce the level of dementia you're exhibiting here George. The only explanation I can think of for your behavior is that you're either insane, still getting Oil for Food money, or both.

GALLOWAY: I'll sue you, you bastard!

HITCHENS: What's the bloody matter with you? There isn't a vicious dictator you don't like. If it's not Stalin, it's Saddam Hussein and with him in jail it's now Bashar Assad.

GALLOWAY: I am the voice of the oppressed and the downtrodden!

HITCHENS: You represent the oppressed and the downtrodden by supporting the very same people who are doing the oppressing.

GALLOWAY: Saddam Hussein and Bashar Assad seek to bring to bring peace to the world. The real terrorists aren't in Al-Qaida or Hamas. They're in the White House and Downing Street. As we speak Tony Blair is feasting upon grilled Iraqi babies with his Likud Party masters!

HITCHENS: Better living through mass slaughter? You’re delusional.

GALLOWAY: Blow it out yer arse!

HITCHENS: How about some simple questions George? Like how is it possible that you, having met Tariq Aziz many times, being the best man at the wedding of Oil for Food suspect Fawaz Zureikat, and naming him chairman of your pseudo-charity Mariam Appeal, have never had any discussion of potential misunderstandings related to your involvement in the Oil for Food program?

GALLOWAY: As we speak George Bush is sitting on a throne made from the bones of Iraqi virgins while flushing Korans down the loo!

HITCHENS: You didn't answer my question. Well, here's another one. How come your buddy Zureikat was certified by the Iraqi government as having six oil allocations, failed to tell you that your name is on just about every document next to his?

GALLOWAY: As we speak Tony Blair is re-upholstering the furniture in Buckingham Palace with the skin of Arab people! Abu-Musab-Al-Zarqawi merely wants an end to these atrocities. Atrocities that can only end with the deaths of 80% of the population of Iraq. Don't you folks want peace.

HITCHENS: You're not very good at answering questions, are you?

GALLOWAY: Over two hundred million people in Iraq have been killed by the rampaging hordes of imperialism. We must stop this madness, for as we speak George W. Bush is fornicating with Condoleeza Rice on a bed made of the corpses of Arab children.

HITCHENS: What about the Iraqi election?

GALLOWAY: There can never be a true democracy with power out of the hands of the Sunni and in the hands of Iraq's majority.

HITCHENS: What about the Cedar Revolution in Lebanon? Syria is now out and there's democracy taking root there.

GALLOWAY: All lies. Lies to improve the standing of Israel!

HITCHENS: And what's with this so-called 'peace tour' you're going on with Jane Fonda. Are you really going to tour America in a bloody vegetable oil fueled bus?

GALLOWAY: Jane Fonda's dropped out but I'm still going. The author of the Vagina Monologues suggested it and I thought it was a capital idea.

HITCHENS: You're a complete arse-head.

GALLOWAY: That's it you big fat...uh...POOPY PANTS! I'll kick yer arse from here to next Sunday!

HITCHENS: Bring it on Bee-otch!

BIFF!

POW!

WHAM!

WEDGIE!

GALLOWAY: Och! Me noots!

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There you have it folks, one of the most profound political debates of this century, and you read it here first.