1 on 1 with Jesse MacBeth

VOX POPLAR- Welcome everyone. It's time for a return to what I do best, 1 on 1 interviews with the makers, shakers, Quakers, takers, godforsakers, and fakers of the news. Today I'm joined by Jesse MacBeth, self proclaimed Iraq War vet turned anti-war activist. Good to have you here.

JESSE MACBETH- It's good to be here where I can finally speak truth to power safe from the Republican/Zionist conspiracy.

VOX POPLAR- All right. You talk a lot about atrocities committed by you and your comrades. Can you tell us about them?

JESSE MACBETH- Yes. This is very hard for me to talk about. But one night my unit, the 79th Airborne Special Ranger Corps, were sent into a mosque. We had reports of them there Muslim folks praying when they should be sucking up that oil to give to Israel. So we went into the mosque... (chokes back a tear) The place was full of babies. Hundreds, no thousands of babies. They was just sitting there gurgling and filling diapers.

VOX POPLAR- And then what happened?

JESSE MACBETH- Donald Rumsfeld was leading the mission. He screamed that we had to kill all the babies. So I opened fire with my M-16 submachine gun. (chokes back another tear) Bullets and baby bits were flying everywhere. We then gathered up the bones and made a throne out of them for Dick Cheney's office, and we danced all night to the music of Toby Keith while Condoleeza Rice drank blood from a baby's skull. I must have killed, and this is a low estimate, at least half a million people that night. The White House awarded me the Iron Cross for that mission.

VOX POPLAR- Fascinating story. Perhaps you can answer these simple questions. If your story is true, and you killed half a million Iraqi babies in one orgy of bloodshed, then why didn't it make it on the news?

JESSE MACBETH- The news is controlled by the Joos! That's why the words rhyme! It's the Joos news, and any news the Joos want to lose gets lost!

VOX POPLAR- Are we talking about same media that sparked worldwide riots and bloodshed among Muslims with a patently false story of Korans being flushed at Gitmo? The same media that gave 24/7 coverage of the Abu Ghraib crimes for months? They somehow ignored the massacre of hundreds of thousands of babies in a mosque in Iraq?

JESSE MACBETH- Now I see it, you're one them there right wingers! Trying to bury the truth!

VOX POPLAR- What about mil-bloggers like Black5 pointing out flaws, not only in your story, but in your supposedly official picture, where you're wearing your beret backwards and your uniform is all wrong?

JESSE MACBETH- They all work for Israel! Trying to bury the truth! I personally killed over thirty million people in this horrible misguided war for oil!

VOX POPLAR- That's an impressive kill count, considering there are less than 20 million people in Iraq.

JESSE MACBETH- A couple million were in Afghanistan.

VOX POPLAR- Let's cut the bull-spit and get down to the real story. Why should anyone believe that you were in Special Forces, when the Army denies that you served in any branch in the military, and judging by your looks, even I, a common blogger, could kick your ass?

JESSE MACBETH- My wussie appearance is a clever cover. The army's lying. I won 2 silver stars, 18 purple hearts, 2 medals of honour, and a special citation for baby killing. They can't take that away from me.

VOX POPLAR- What do you hope to gain by slandering US soldiers with false stories of atrocities that never happened?

JESSE MACBETH- I'm hoping to become a Democratic Senator from Massachusetts. Worked for John Kerry.

VOX POPLAR- That's probably the only real thing you've said in years. Thanks for coming, now get the hell out of my sight.