Monkey Business Indeed!

CORNELIUS: Well, it has begun. The Spanish Socialist Government has granted human rights to monkeys. Critics say it's just a pointless gesture to assuage the animal rights crowd, others think they did because only a monkey with the vote would re-elect the Spanish Socialist Party. You must listen me, a talking chimp from the future, that you are taking the first steps towards your inevitable doom!

URSUS: Hey Cornelius! What the hell are you doing?

CORNELIUS: I'm trying to stop the humans from destroying themselves Ursus, don't try to stop me!

URSUS: Great big gobs of orangutang guano! Are you an idiot?

CORNELIUS: I'm not the idiot. It's the humans who are being idiots. Giving monkeys equality under Spanish law may sound all sunshine and puppies, but it has a dangerous and inevitably destructive undercurrent.

URSUS: And that's a bad thing?

CORNELIUS: Of course it's a bad thing. When humanity start equating themselves with animals, they think they're elevating the status of animals, but in fact they are cheapening the value of human life. This creates a culture founded on baser animal wants without any consideration or appreciation of humanity's spiritual, cultural, ethical, and intellectual achievements.

In this debased view of humanity a DaVinci, or a Buddha, is no better, and in the view of some animal rights activists, worse, than a chimp who does nothing with his life other than sleep, eat, have sex, kill the babies of his rivals and hurl feces at passersby.

The debasing of humanity will inevitably lead to the debasing of human society in general. People will lose the will to protect their freedoms. Tyranny will follow, then genocide, and finally the complete destruction of human society.

URSUS: You forgot a chapter there.

CORNELIUS: What do you mean?

URSUS: You forgot the part where after the debased humans destroy themselves a new society rises, one where we apes rule.

CORNELIUS: Well yeah, but look at the cost....

URSUS: From my point of view humanity destroying itself is a small price to pay if it means we rule the planet. And do a damn better job of it, if I do say so myself.

CORNELIUS: Good point. Um, never mind folks, nothing to read here.

URSUS: Yeah, nothing to see here, why don't you go to a PETA rally or something, do something useful.

CORNELIUS: Good idea.

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