5/25/2006

Give Surrender A Chance


A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY
BY CONGRESSMAN JOHN MURTHA (D-P.U.)

Greetings my fellow Americans.

It's me ex-Marine and recent Profile In Courage prize winner Congressman John Murtha. I'd like to thank Mr. Poplar for letting me use his space to provide a counterpoint, if you will, of the rather shameful treatment he showed All-American Hero Jesse MacBeth yesterday.

How dare he treat a decorated war veteran like Coporal MacBeth so rudely!

All Corporal MacBeth did was dare to speak the truth about this war and American servicemen. Sure, none of the events he described actually happened, but that doesn't make his statements any less true.

I know because I served in VietNam, and while a Marine in VietNam I personally killed more babies than malnutrition and NARAL put together.

Why did I kill so many babies?

Because that's what American soldiers do!

And why do we do it?

Because we're Americans!

Americans kill babies and civilians. It's our tradition. It's also the reason the entire world hates us. It's not because of our freedom, our wealth, our power, or our lack of official anti-semitism. It's because all we do is kill babies.

We did in WW2. Sure, egghead historians will tell you it was because the German Nazis and Japanese Militarists placed vital war industries and military installations in civilian residential areas, but true heros like me and John Kerry know the truth.

America did it because the American military live only to kill civilians.

That's why we must completely dismantle the baby-killing military industrial complex. We were wrong to fight the Nazis and Militarists in WW2 and here we are making the same mistake again in the Middle East.

Sure those Bushitler RepubliKKKans will tell you that we're fighting for the survival of our democracy against a determined fascist foe.

Well look at what democracy has brought to the world! Democracies exist to goad peace loving people like Hitler, Tojo, and Ho Chi Minh into starting wars. Democracies have militaries, that they claim are for defence, but really exist to perform baby-killing on an epic scale.

That's why we must surrender to our moral superiors in Al Qaida.

Only then, can we enjoy true peace.

Thank you, and in the mid-term elections Vote Democrat, and Vote Often.

3 comments:

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Classic!
LOL!

miriam said...

We actually kill babies of all ages from 0-90. Give credit where credit is due!

And kittens and puppies!

And adorable little hamsters! Iguanas!

Gavriel said...

A stirring statement sir, and an equally inspiring title. I feel too few Americans have really given surrender the fair shake it deserves, and that's just one more reason why America may be constitutionally incapable of living at the level of the French.

Do you think there is any possibility that the good folks over at Al Qaeda could make a 3rd party bid? Or do the fascists have too tight a chokehold on ballot box?