Then you should take this test.

There's a lot of talk these days about people disrespecting this religion and that religion, either by doodling cartoons, or beheading people. Now a lot of folks say that we shouldn't disrespect any religion and for a while I believed that.

But now I think that a religion has to earn my respect, because these days just about anyone can slap on a robe and hang up a shingle declaring themself the one true source of all that is good and truthful in the world.

So in the interest of fairness I have created this simple, non-denominational, test to determine if your religion is worthy of respect. All you have to do is answer the questions YES or NO.

1. Do the sermons and teachings of your current religious leaders use the words: "Death to ____" when describing people of other faiths?

2. When people accuse your fellow followers of barbarism, do they cite current events instead of history?

3. Do people pay attention to the teachings of your current religious leaders, not out of respect, or intellectual or spiritual curiousity, but out of fear of what they will do next?

4. Are you compelled by your spiritual leaders to kill your fellow followers who convert to other religions?

5. Do you blame all of your problems on The Joooooos?

6. Is decapitation considered a valid form of religious expression?

7. Is laughter considered sinful in your faith?

8. Do you read a blog like this and consider it blasphemy?

9. Is your most prominent religious leader a fugitive from justice on legitimate criminal charges?

10. Does your religion justify the abuse of women based on how the women are dressed rather than the respect they are due as human beings?

11. Is anyone currently commiting genocide in the name of your religion, and your fellow followers who are considered 'moderate' and 'mainstream' won't do anything to stop it?

12. Do your religious leaders claim that any attempt to study or understand the nature of the universe (otherwise known as God's Creation) as sinful?

13. Do your religious leaders demand isolation from the rest of the world, its peoples and their cultures as part of some vague plan to preserve the purity of your faith?

14. Do your religious leaders demand that you subsume your identity and your free-will to theirs as the key to a heavenly afterlife?

If you answer YES to any of these questions, then I'm affraid your religion just doesn't deserve my respect.

Sorry to break it to you this way, but I hope it helps you understand why no one likes you.


Freedom Fighter said...

To funny, Vox! I'm linking to this on my site.

Wacky Hermit said...

Great post! But I have to take issue with #2. Most religions (including mine) have at some time been blamed for barbarous actions taken by certain members, even when those actions are not church-endorsed. Hell, us Mormons even get blamed for the abuse of children in polygamous communities simply because those people sometimes are called Mormons, even though they're not members of our church.

Oh, and Mormonism *is* the one true religion, as testified by South Park! ;)

"Ms. Cornelius" said...

Ha. Like they say in the Guinness commercials: "Brilliant!"

Anonymous said...

Good post, but for test 14...

Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

Vol-in-Law said...

It's notable that by these standards (which I concur with) the US Religious Right doesn't deserve respect either. OTOH while 'my' religion (Anglicanism) comfortably answers 100% 'no', the current leadership under Rowan Williams is so wishy-washy it's hard to have much respect for them either.