It's Like, You Know...
A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY BY GWYNETH PALTROWHello There. Now I know a lot of folks are mad at me right now because of some comments I made to the press in Europe about how I hate America, and how the English are smarter and classier than them.
Now allow me to explain myself.
What I really meant to say is that the British are, like you know, more intelligent, better mannered, and nicer than Americans.
Like the British people in these pictures.
They seem nice.
Americans are all a bunch of money obsessed, racist, ignorant dummies who spend, like you know, all their time making up wars for no reason other than they're naturally bloodthirsty.
Michael Moore agrees with me on that. He even took a second to stop staring at my ass to call me smart.
Because, like you know, British people are just so, like, cool. They would have elected Al Gore president, and they signed Kyoto. Sure, none of the countries that sign Kyoto ever did anything about it, but it's like the thought that counts.
Sure violent crime in Great Britain is skyrocketing while America's crime rate is dropping, and you're more likely to get beaten and raped in an average British pub than on the meanest streets of New York, but they, like you know, got nice parks and, like you know, the cabs are really easy to get baby-carriages into.
That more than makes up for it.
Now those fascist bloggers who are criticizing me are writing me off as some sort of Hollywood ditz who doesn't know or understand America. That is so wrong.
I grew up in Hollywood, went to expensive prep schools, and then back to Hollywood.
If that doesn't show you the true face of America, I don't know what possibly could.
So you folks should, like you know, leave me alone. All I did was call you a bunch of classless idiots and weird for loving a country that would allow someone like me to become rich and famous mostly because of my fashionably emaciated looks.
You're, like you know, touchy.
Not like the British.
Because they're, like you know, smarter.
They'd understand me.
Now allow me to explain myself.
What I really meant to say is that the British are, like you know, more intelligent, better mannered, and nicer than Americans.
Like the British people in these pictures.They seem nice.
Americans are all a bunch of money obsessed, racist, ignorant dummies who spend, like you know, all their time making up wars for no reason other than they're naturally bloodthirsty.
Michael Moore agrees with me on that. He even took a second to stop staring at my ass to call me smart.
Because, like you know, British people are just so, like, cool. They would have elected Al Gore president, and they signed Kyoto. Sure, none of the countries that sign Kyoto ever did anything about it, but it's like the thought that counts.
Sure violent crime in Great Britain is skyrocketing while America's crime rate is dropping, and you're more likely to get beaten and raped in an average British pub than on the meanest streets of New York, but they, like you know, got nice parks and, like you know, the cabs are really easy to get baby-carriages into.
That more than makes up for it.
Now those fascist bloggers who are criticizing me are writing me off as some sort of Hollywood ditz who doesn't know or understand America. That is so wrong.
I grew up in Hollywood, went to expensive prep schools, and then back to Hollywood.
If that doesn't show you the true face of America, I don't know what possibly could.
So you folks should, like you know, leave me alone. All I did was call you a bunch of classless idiots and weird for loving a country that would allow someone like me to become rich and famous mostly because of my fashionably emaciated looks.
You're, like you know, touchy.
Not like the British.
Because they're, like you know, smarter.
They'd understand me.
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