The Perry Noya Report

THOMPSON'S TINFOIL HATS
Because if your tinfoil hat isn't a Thompson, THEY can steal your brain
PRESENT
THE PERRY NOYA REPORT
starring
PERRY NOYA

DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD FLORIDA: Ah jeez. Actress Anna Nicole Smith died today. Details are sketchy so far, but aren't they always? Come on you know what I mean. Her late husband was in oil going back to when it was still called dinosaurs, her stepsons are in oil, Bush, Cheney, and Halliburton are all in oil. I mean they try to kill freaking Jessica Lange on a daily basis, it was only a matter of time....

DO I HAVE TO FREAKING SPELL IT OUT!?!

DATELINE: HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA: Supermodel Tyra Banks told critics of her recent weight gain to "Kiss her fat *ss!" Now while I still think Tyra's a hottie and a half I can't help but think that this is all part of some grand conspiracy to promote people being happy with their own appearance. We then start super-sizing our collective behinds at McDonald's sucking back cheeseburgers and semi-gelatinous 'shakes' until we're gorged out of our heads and then...

POW!

That's when they get you.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON: Jimmy Carter denounced the Simon Weisenthal center for "slandering him" in order to "raise funds." Yeah, that's what THEY want you to think. Jimmy's just speaking truth to power, but the almighty Bushitler/Halliburton/Nazi/Masonic/Zionist alliance keeps putting him down so they can raise money.

What's Jimmy Carter done to deserve this? All he's done is take money from terrorist supporters in the Middle East for his various programs and then denounce the region's only democracy for having the unmitigated balls to defend itself.

COME ON PEOPLE! GET WITH THE FREAKING PROGRAM!

Gotta run. My mom needs the phone line to call the vet about her cat.

At least, that's what she wants me think!

So goodbye for now, and remember, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean THEY are not out to get you.