BARACK TO THE FUTURE!
A PAID POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENTBY
SENATOR BARACK OBAMA (D-ILL)
My fellow Americans.
I'd like to thank Vox Poplar for letting me use his blog for this presentation. Though I am a little confused as to why I had to write it in a big steel contraption he calls "The Tube of Truth." But since Hillary's got all the campaign money, I'll stick with what I can afford.
You're probably wondering why me, a first term junior Senator with relatively little political or administrative experience would even consider running for the Democratic Party nomination for President in 2008.
Well, the answer is simple.
The media has commanded me to do it.
And as a Democrat, I must obey the will of the media.
You see, I possess all the superficial qualities the media looks for in a candidate. I'm good looking (in a Barney Fife kinda way), I'm charming, and I'm really good at condensing Democrat talking points into sound-byte size pieces.
I can also sound moderate when, in fact, I'm a flaming leftist.
To the eyes of the Party's friends in the MSM I am political perfection itself.
And to add to that is my complete and utter lack of any real experience in national and international politics. You see, all the Democrats with experience got it during the Clinton administration, which means they've got a lot of bad, excrementally stink baggage with them and I'm not including the documents hidden in Sandy Bergers Fruit of the Looms.
You see, the Democrats are a lot like a sleazy bar on a Friday night. Last call is coming, and all the one's you can see at the bar are old cougars with puffed up hair and overdone make-up to hide the latest herpes flare-up.
I'm the chick at the end of the bar, who, thanks to a combo of distance and intoxication, still looks pretty fresh. And it won't be til the morning after election day, that you realized that you're stuck in bed with the worst most coyote-ugly skank of all, and you can't chew your arm off to get away.
So vote for me.
You'll regret it in the morning, but at least you'll enjoy getting screwed.
I'd like to thank Vox Poplar for letting me use his blog for this presentation. Though I am a little confused as to why I had to write it in a big steel contraption he calls "The Tube of Truth." But since Hillary's got all the campaign money, I'll stick with what I can afford.
You're probably wondering why me, a first term junior Senator with relatively little political or administrative experience would even consider running for the Democratic Party nomination for President in 2008.
Well, the answer is simple.
The media has commanded me to do it.
And as a Democrat, I must obey the will of the media.
You see, I possess all the superficial qualities the media looks for in a candidate. I'm good looking (in a Barney Fife kinda way), I'm charming, and I'm really good at condensing Democrat talking points into sound-byte size pieces.
I can also sound moderate when, in fact, I'm a flaming leftist.
To the eyes of the Party's friends in the MSM I am political perfection itself.
And to add to that is my complete and utter lack of any real experience in national and international politics. You see, all the Democrats with experience got it during the Clinton administration, which means they've got a lot of bad, excrementally stink baggage with them and I'm not including the documents hidden in Sandy Bergers Fruit of the Looms.
You see, the Democrats are a lot like a sleazy bar on a Friday night. Last call is coming, and all the one's you can see at the bar are old cougars with puffed up hair and overdone make-up to hide the latest herpes flare-up.
I'm the chick at the end of the bar, who, thanks to a combo of distance and intoxication, still looks pretty fresh. And it won't be til the morning after election day, that you realized that you're stuck in bed with the worst most coyote-ugly skank of all, and you can't chew your arm off to get away.
So vote for me.
You'll regret it in the morning, but at least you'll enjoy getting screwed.
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