2007- What the Future Holds....



Greetings and a Happy New Year fellow travellers on the astral plane, it is me, the one and only Great Zbornak, seer of the future, teller of fortunes, and predictor of things to come.

I have come to tell you what this new year holds for people in the news. I have peered into my crystal balls and saw what the fates have in store for the world.

BRITNEY SPEARS- Will form a supergroup with gal-pals Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton. The group will be short lived because of a debate over what to call the group. Paris wanted to call it "Her Peace Trio," Lindsey Lohan wanted to call it "Drunk, Trashy & Slutty," and Britney wanted it named "Chix 3 Panties 0." All who see their one live performance call it by another name: 'Crap.'

SEAN PENN- Will grow despondent over the death of friend, mentor and fellow narcissist Saddam Hussein and dedicate his life, and over three hundred and fifty million dollars of Sumner Redstone's Paramount money to write, direct and star in a musical biopic of the recently deceased dictator. The film, called Saddam: The Dictator of Peace & Love, will be one of the biggest bombs of all time.

This leads to Sean Penn running for the Democratic Party nomination on a platform of forcing Americans to watch his movie, and the one made for the Dixie Chicks to fight being 'silenced' by something as silly as the will of the people. He loses after beating up a cameraman trying to film one of his campaign speeches. He promptly blames the loss on the 'Jewish conspiracy' Jimmy Carter told him about and those '*sshole American voters.'

Penn will then go on to his next project, a $300 million biopic called the Glory of Bin Ladin.

THE NEW YORK TIMES- Will continue to run complete wrong stories as long as they fit their anti-American/Israel/Christian mindset.

ASSOCIATED PRESS- Will become the subject of some controversy among blogs when it's revealed that Al-Qaida deputy honcho Ayman Al-Zawahiri was working for them as a 'stringer' covering Afghanistan. The MSM will either ignore the controversy, or accuse the bloggers of being part of a 'Vast Right Wing Neocon Theocrat Jewish Conspiracy.'

THE ISLAMIC WORLD- Will erupt in violent rage leading to thousands of deaths worldwide. Over something. We don't what it will be, neither do they, but boy will it get them mad.

HOLLYWOOD- Will continue to be seen as divorced from the general public and reality when it's revealed that Danny Bonaduce is the only one talking any sense.

JIMMY CARTER- Will continue to do and say things both asinine and anti-Semitic.

That's all for now. I'll see you again soon.....


Wyatt Earp said...

Jimmy Carter. When will it end?

Happy New Year!

Debbie said...

Funny stuff. I'm including some of your predictions in a post. I don't see trackbacks or I would send you one.