See Ya in Syria

Speaker of the House

My fellow San Franciscans.

There has been much talk about my recent announcement that I'm planning to visit Syria to engage in unilateral talks with Syrian dictator President Bashar Assad. The crypto-fascists in the White House say I shouldn't go, and that I've 'gone too far.' Well, let me tell them something.

I haven't gone far enough!

Sure my trip to pay a social call to a terrorist freedom fighter supporting fascist peace-lover like Bashar Assad could be viewed as a violation of the constitution and, more specifically, the Logan Act, I don't really care.

And sure, some might call it treason, but I have this to say.

I am a member of the Democratic Party.


That's right. We deeply believe that the best thing for America is to coddle, and sometimes openly support its enemies, dump on its allies, and to deny America the capability to defend itself.

Democrats have done it through history. Jay Rockefeller did a tour of the Middle East before the invasion of Iraq, telling anyone who would listen that the invasion was imminent. John Kerry, before he went into the Senate, held his own buddy-buddy chats with the Viet-Cong, and the late great Joe Kennedy Sr. bad-mouthed Britain even though it was only democracy willing to stand up to Adolph Hitler.

And don't get me started on all the Democrats who tried to undermine the Union effort to destroy slavery during the Civil War.

Am I worried about any legal repercussions?


Democrats never go to jail.

That's why we have so many of our minions friends in the US Attorneys office and we won't let Bush fire them.

What do I hope to gain from this?

Well first, I hope to get some pointless gesture of peaceful intent from Assad that my catamites friends in the media will blow up as the greatest achievement in diplomatic history, and I hope to help one of my cronies associates stay out of trouble.

You see the surge in Iraq seems to be working, and the press is working very hard to avoid reporting that, and with everyone bored with Anna Nicole Smith and the poisoned pet food turning into a snoozer there's the danger that the media might forget where their loyalties lie and report Dianne Feinstein and her husband's shenanigans with the Military Construction Appropriations Committee.

We don't want that.

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