Eason Jordan: The Next Bob Dylan or Weird Al Yankovic, You Decide.

Former CNN Honcho Eason Jordan has a lot of time on his hands and he's dedicated it to music.

His new album: DELIBERATE TARGETS will be released on Soros Records this summer.  

Here are the lyrics to his first single.

"Will to Live" by Eason Jordan* 

(sung to the tune of "MacArthur Park") 

I feel miserable Demands for the truth make me ill 

I feel miserable

People constantly checking my facts tear at my foundations

I feel miserable

Know-it-alls disproving my baseless accusations are dragging me 

down to the depths of misery 

I want to die  

Is it because of Bloggers that I feel this way? 

With the Republican Red rays of misery pounding on my brain?

Or am I lost in tale of Captain Ed, adrift far from home 

I don't think so, I don't think so.  

Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

I was getting better but then Bloggers Broke My Will to Live  

I feel miserable 

Truth-tellers ruining my conspiracy theories rot the flesh from my bones 

I feel miserable  

Transcripts of my speech in Davos defeat my purpose 

I feel miserable 

Embarassing comments are doing their best to impale my soul 

I want to die  

Is it because of Bloggers that I feel this way? 

With the Republican Red rays of misery pounding on my brain? 

Am I lost in tale of Captain Ed, adrift far from home I don't think so, I don't think so.

Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

Oh God, Bloggers Broke My Will to Live 

I was getting better but then Bloggers Broke My Will to Live

*may not actually be written by Eason Jordan, but actually written by the Alanis Morristte Song Generator.

New Alanis Morissette Song...

Okay.  Maybe it's not really a new Alanis Morisette song, but I couldn't resist having some fun with the Alanis Morrisette Lyric Generator to compose a new 21st Century style protest song about the state of modern academia.

 

 

"Why"

Plagiarized works, nonsensical political beliefs, crackpot conspiracy theories
Why God, Why?
Nonsensical political beliefs, rambling incoherent lectures,

Academics who don't know shit from shinola
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Democrat Blue horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Academics who don't know shit from shinola
Like a Noam Chomsky character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Tenured positions, plagiarized works, little Eichmans of academia
Why God, Why?
Academics who don't know shit from shinola, little Eichmans of academia, crackpot conspiracy theories
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Democrat Blue disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Academics who don't know shit from shinola
Like a Noam Chomsky character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Democrat Blue misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Academics who don't know shit from shinola
Like a Noam Chomsky character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?

Funny Stuff...

Blog IMAO has a simple list of indicators to determine if you're LEFT OF LIBERAL!

 

The recently deceased Hunter S. Thompson is hawked by the always sharp Iowahawk in FEAR & LOATHING IN THE MYSTERY MACHINE.  A must read.

 

Who the hell am I?

I recently stumbled upon the blog IMAO (hat tip to Michelled Malkin's blog) and he has posted a test where bloggers of the non-moonbat persuasion can answer frequently asked moonbat questions.  So, I'm going to dump the last shred of my dignity and take the quiz.

THE "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" BLOGGER QUIZ

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I'm Vox Poplar.  I'm a large sentient poplar tree deep in the woods of Canada.

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I'm a sentient tree, there ain't much call for that at the Dairy Queen.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I was rejected from journalism school.  Something about having ethics and a desire to adhere to facts.  Besides, I don't even claim to be a journalist, just a loudmouth with a lot of opinions and a small time blog.  So who's the idiot now?

4. Do you even read newspapers?

I'm a tree, most of my family ended up as newspapers.  You can be a cruel bastard!

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I can't get Fox News.  The Canadian government banned it because a commentator said something impolite about our then Prime Minister.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

The only radio signals I get are the ones the Romulan Empire pumps through my fillings to get into my brain.  But I showed them, my mighty tinfoil hat will protect me!  Bwah-hah-hah!

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

What do I have to do to make you understand, I'm not a parrot dumb-ass, I'm a poplar tree.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

I don't want them fired... okay, maybe out of a cannon, but that's for amusement purposes only.  On a professional level I just want them to start telling the truth for once and not blame their problems on Karl Rove.

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

I have several passports and none are under my real name.  It's essential when you're an international man of mystery.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

I've been everywhere.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

For some reason the military is prejudiced against sentient trees enlisting.  Bigoted bastards.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

Once.  But he was infested with termites, not a victim of war.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes, and there's a very funny story about it, involving a wombat, a refrigerator, an ill tempered mongoose and a bowl of jello, but you don't want to hear that now...

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!

I'm Vox Poplar, and I'm always right about everything.  Stick that in your Hunter S. Thompson memorial hash pipe and smoke it.

Eason's Fable may have ended, but the fight should go on.

CNN Bigwig Eason Jordan filed his resignation last night, no doubt to take advantage of the slow coverage during the weekend, and the bloggers who challenged him are crowing another victory.  Placing his well coiffed head on a pike next to the severed noggins of the careers of Dan Rather and Mary Mapes.

 

It's all well and good that someone who makes baseless and slanderous accusations against America's bravest is no longer in charge of a major international news outlet, but the fight isn't over yet.

 

I want to see that tape of his appearance in Davos.

 

I want his accusations not only put out for the general public to see, I want them investigated and proven ludicrous and insulting.  I see no logical reason for the US Military to deliberately target journalists, but there are those who will believe Eason's Fable.  We have to face these people with facts, and evidence, something Eason didn't have. 

 

The only way to end his slander is bring the charges out into the light of day, and expose the truth.

 

Then we can claim a real victory for the blogosphere.

 

Vive Le Resistance!

 

The IowaHawk Strikes Again!

The IowaHawk continues his crusade to set a new standard for political satire.  Check out his latest entry WHAT HAPPENS IN DAVOS, STAYS IN DAVOS.

 

A freakin' classic!

 

I'm looking for a cause please....

Inspired by Christopher Hitchens and his brilliant use of Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch, I've decided to use Python for my own political metaphor.  Here it is...

 

THE CAUSE SHOP SKETCH

 

SCENE: Shop with a sign over the counter that reads, CHOMSKY'S QUALITY CAUSES. Enter MR. LEFT, who approaches the counter and rings the bell.  A CLERK pops up from behind the counter.

 

CLERK:

How may I help you?

 

LEFT:

Hello, I was just attending a screening of The Motorcycle Diaries, and I was inspired to shrug off the shackles of my humdrum bourgeois existence and procure myself something to dedicate my life's labours to.

 

CLERK:

Excuse me?

 

LEFT:

I'm looking for a Political Cause.  This is a Cause Shop, is it not?

 

CLERK:

It most certainly is a Cause Shop, the finest Cause Shop in town.

 

LEFT:

Most efficacious.  I have a craving for some feminism.

 

CLERK:

All out sir.  Women's rights was found to be offensive to some cultures.

 

LEFT:

Oh dear, we can't have that.  How about multilateralism?

 

CLERK:

We had some in just the other day, but France nicked it.

 

LEFT:

How dreadful.  How about voting rights?

 

CLERK:

Sorry sir, the Department of Political Correctness won't let us carry democracy anymore.  Something about 'brown people' using it when they're too primitive to understand it.

 

LEFT:

How about world peace?

 

CLERK:

I'm sorry sir, we had some for a while, but we had to give it up, because it might lead to criticism of non-American governments.

 

LEFT:

Gay rights?

 

CLERK:

Sorry, but the very existence of homosexuals are considered offensive to some cultures, so we can only carry small amounts of same sex marriage, and Rosie O'Donnell sucked up our last batch.

 

LEFT:

Religious freedom?

 

CLERK:

Ran out of that.  To make it, you need tolerance, and it turns out tolerance has be a two way street, and some religions didn't care for tolerating others.  And asking them do so could be interpreted as offensive.

 

LEFT:

Human rights?

 

CLERK:

Could offend the Chinese Government sir, so we have to ignore it.

 

LEFT:

This is a Cause Shop, is it not.

 

CLERK:

It's the finest in town.

 

LEFT:

And to what does it owe that distinction?

 

CLERK:

It's so clean.

 

LEFT:

I agree.  It's remarkably free of causes.  How about freedom of speech?

 

CLERK:

It was banned.  There was worry that all that free political talk could lead to Republicanism.

 

LEFT:

Hmmm, we can't have that now, can we.  Let's try a different tack.  Instead of me asking if you have a specific political cause and you telling me you're out, how about I just ask you what political causes you have left.

 

CLERK:

Sounds like a good idea.  Ask away.

 

LEFT:

What causes do you have left?

 

CLERK:

All we have left is Opposition to the War Against Terrorism.

 

LEFT:

But if you're against being against terrorism, wouldn't that make you for terrorism.

 

CLERK:

Specifically Islamofascist terrorism.

 

LEFT:

And wouldn't being for Islamofascist terrorism, in a left-handed way of course, be a stance against feminism, democracy, world peace, gay rights, human rights, freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and basic human decency.

 

CLERK:

Absolutely right sir.  But you will be opposing George W. Bush.

 

LEFT:

That makes it all right then, I'll take it.

 

Sisyphus goes up the hill...

Blogger New Sisyphus has posted a very detailed argument effectively shooting down recent articles by critics of the Iraq War called 'Rhymes with Dubya.'  Read it.

 

More later...

 

Diplomad takes a Bow

Like a master comedian, The Diplomad is saying goodnight, walking off the stage, and leaving his audience wanting more.

The Diplomad will be missed. God knows how many times I found myself linking to his pieces which were always intelligently written and illuminating.

Though there are other sharp minds in the SDRU and their blogs Daily Demarche, and the New Sisyphus will keep up the fight for truth, justice, and the American way. They both do excellent work and are top notch blogs, check out their links in the sidebar.

Fare thee well Dip, and don't forget to write.

From 'Funny Ha-Ha' to 'Funny Peculiar'

Is the terminally fledging liberal yak-net Air America a retirement home for comedians whose career has hit the proverbial wall.

 

It's getting to look that way.  Especially when one their top hosts Janeane Garofolo seems to be suffering from a case of early onset comedic senility.

 

The biggest sign that poor Ms. Garofolo's mind is not quite connected the planet we mere mortals dwell on, happened at a recent appearance on TV to comment on the President's State of the Union Address.  While everyone was impressed with the courage and tenacity of the average Iraqi voter Comrade Garofolo apparently wigged out, calling the purple finger of freedom 'disgusting,' the Republicans who support craziness like democracy 'Nazis' and then topping it all off with a heartfelt Nazi salute.  Read the details here.

 

All she succeeded in doing was make herself, and all those who support her views, look idiotic and ignorant of even the most basic facts of history.  And let me tell you, those who follow a washed up comedian for political advice, don't need any extra help to look idiotic.

 

But she isn't completely to blame.  She suffers from an all to common disorder found in entertainers whose once fashionable and high-flying careers fall faster than a kite made of bricks. 

 

One day they're flying high with HBO specials, movie deals and trendy award show hosting gigs.  And then one day they wake up and realise that there's a layer of dust on therir phone and their agents have to look in the back of their files to remember that they were once clients.  The comedian suddenly realises that they're not hot tickets anymore.

 

But it can't be the fault of their material, they'd been doing the same bits since 1992, and they were on top then.  So they rationalize it in their minds with declarations like:

 

It must be the audience's fault.

 

They've become too dumb to 'get me.'

 

I'm still relevant!

 

And to maintain the illusion of being still relevant they then turn to politics.  They don't actually go out and learn about politics, they just click on the first website they can find with the Ed Asner seal of approval, and declare themselves experts.  And with their newfound expertise they begin their rebellion.

 

You see, they're not really rebelling against Bush. 

 

They're rebelling against the audience that rejected them when they stopped moving with the times.  So they attack things that their former audience holds dear, like democracy, religion, and an increasingly popular Bush administration.  Because the audience that 'betrayed' them supports them, then they must be evil, and that's the real fuel for their vitriol.

 

My suggestion for Mr. Franken and Ms. Garofolo, take some time off politics, and try a little therapy.

 

Then write some new jokes about your therapy, and start hitting the clubs again.

 

Who knows, it might make you funny again.

 

And I'm talkin 'funny ha-ha' not 'funny peculiar.'

 

Sex & the Single Interrogator.

There's been a lot of filthy, dirty, sexy talk going on, and it's not about the Super Bowl Half-Time show.  It's actually about Guantanamo Bay.  Apparently the US military is using female interrogators dressed in tight T-shirts and sometimes short skirts to use the average Islamofascist's own vast sexual hang-ups against them.

 

And the Left thinks this is torture.

 

Let me explain 2 simple facts about torture to you folks out their in Blogoland.

 

1.  Getting beaten, whipped, or having an electrical charge shot up your nether regions is torture.

 

2. Having a new memory to put in your fantasy file for those lonely nights when your cellmate, Achmed, isn't in the mood, is not torture.

 

I can imagine some of the conversations about this new tactic floating around Gitmo.

 

OFFICER: Any new information Lieutenant?

 

FEMALE LT.: No new info sir, but he did tuck a twenty in my waistband.

 

or

 

AFGHAN PRISONER:  You will not make me talk with your tight T-shirts and short skirts!  I will not surrender... though if that red-headed Navy Lieutenant were to come tomorrow dressed as Nanette the Naughty French Maid... well, now that my break my spirit.

 

I think the Left's view of the issue of what's torture and what isn't can be described this way.

 

If it's done by Americans, it must be torture.

 

It it's done by anyone else, 'it's an honest expression of their culture.'

 

I think it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.

 

People of Iraq Give Insurgents the Proverbial Finger!

Thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of Iraqis had their first taste of real democracy this past Sunday, and I get the feeling that they found it pretty sweet.

 

Despite threats of mass murder from Convicted Rapist/Al-Qaida Uberthug/Leftist Hero Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, at least 60% and as much as 72% of eligible voters cast their ballot for the party of choice.  Since there are so many political parties to choose from there won't be a clearly dominant winner once the ballots are counted, so there will most likely be a coalition between the secular Shia party endorsed by Grand Ayatollah Sistani, Interim PM Allawi's people, and one or more of the mainstream Kurdish political parties.

 

Which is probably for the best, it'll show them that negotiation and consensus may be frustrating, but goes down easier than another ethnic dominated dictatorship.  And it looks like the Iraqi people are buying into that particular dream as well. 

 

Proud voters were seen marching home from the polling stations, holding their purple dyed fingers aloft.  Pointing skyward in a sign of both optimism for their nation's future and defiance of the thugs who seek to drag them into a new dark age.

 

It was a magical moment.

 

Now you'd think that the political left and their puppets in the Democratic Party would be happy for the Iraqis.

 

Well, they're not.

 

In fact, the left has reacted to this groundbreaking moment with either sullen silence, or they've attacked the election's legitimacy betraying not only their own values, but exposing a sympathy for the Islamofascist thugocracy.

 

For shame.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

READING LIST

 

Jonah Goldberg: Slothnor Needs Liberals

 

David Horowitz: State of the Democrats-Capitulation

 

Thomas Joscelyn: Not Paying Attention

(hat tip Galley Slaves)

 

Daily Demarche: Talking Points

 

Now talk amongst yourselves...

 

Hitchens Goes Python...

Erudite pundit and journalist Christopher Hitchens has set the cat among the proverbial pigeons again with a brilliant piece about the Left's constant comparisons between Vietnam & Iraq. 

 

I think in his next piece he should talk about the Left's inability to pick the right battles and do it like Python's The Cheese Shop Sketch.

 

Read it and you'll get my little jest.