1 on 1 with Holly Woods

VOX: This past weekend marked the 2nd anniversary of the start of the Iraq War, and naturally there were people out declaring their disgust with war crimes like free elections and the spread of democracy in the Middle East. And though they normally avoid fashionably liberal causes, movie stars and other celebrities have joined on the anti-war/anti-Free Iraq bandwagon. Joining me tonight is actress, model, and barbeque sauce spokeswoman Holly Woods, star of such films as Calling All Quakers, Dude, Where's My Underwear?, Dirty Pantsing, and the classic film Today We Lambada, Tomorrow We Die. Good evening Ms. Woods.
HOLLY: Good evening.
VOX: Today you're here, not to promote your new film A Streetcar Named Revenge, instead you're here as an anti-war activist.
HOLLY: Yes, I represent the group Celebrities Happily United in Making Peace.
VOX: Ah, yes, C.H.U.M.P. What does the group stand for?
HOLLY: We stand for peace, freedom, and equality.
VOX: Do you support the actions of the Bush administration's actions to end the reign of warmongering psychopaths, who suppress free speech and the rights of women and minorities?
HOLLY: Absotively not! Bush is a Republican and all Republicans are evil.
VOX: Where did you hear that?
HOLLY: Cameron Diaz told me.
VOX: Ah, yes, Ms. Diaz is one of the world's deepest political thinkers.
HOLLY: And she is really smart too. I even heard she read a book once.
VOX: Wow. That is impressive.
HOLLY: Like did you know that rape is now legal since George W. Bush got re-elected.
VOX: I must have missed that report on CNN.
HOLLY: You see, that's what happens when you don't listen to the people who know best.
VOX: Hollywood celebrities?
HOLLY: Of course. We celebrities make millions of dollars for looking pretty, being told what to do by directors, and reciting words that other people have written for us. That gives us a deep understanding of the human condition.
VOX: I'm sure it would. Well, if the Republicans are so evil, then can you give me an example of their evilness?
HOLLY: Look at poor Rosario Dawson. She was arrested during the Republican convention for wearing a mask while chanting violent anarchist slogans during a war with violent terrorists. If that's not a case of oppression, then I don't know what is.
VOX: I think they dropped the charges against her.
HOLLY: You see, that's a victory for free speech. I mean she could have been fined. And I know that would have caused her to put off buying that cute little beachhouse in Malibu.
VOX: Thank god for that. How do you feel about Ron Silver, an actor known for his intelligence, understanding of history and political issues, and liberal credentials, endorsing George W. Bush in the last election?
HOLLY: Karl Rove made him do it, using some sort of evil mind-control device. I know that's a fact, Michael Moore told me at a party at Barbra Streisand's beach-house.
VOX: That makes sense. What's next in line for the activists of C.HU.M.P.?
HOLLY: Well, since the imperialists refused to give up and hand Iraq over to its rightful rulers Abu-Musab Al-Zarqawi and Saddam Hussein, we're going to do a major protest. We're all getting into our SUV and going on a parade from Beverly Hills to the Viper Room. We're calling it 'A Club-Crawl for Peace.'
VOX: That'll show them.
HOLLY: It sure will, Paris Hilton's gonna be our keynote speaker. How can the Republicans top that?

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