Hold the Danish

Another Guest Commentary by
Ayman Al-Zawahiri

Yo. How's it crackalackin'. I'm back. And I'd like to thank the infidel Poplar for letting me use his blog. Not that he has much choice. One of my homeboys is holding a big-ass scimitar above his head. There's something about getting circumcised above the neck region that makes people very cooperative.

Now a lot of folks are getting the wrong impression of the Islamic Faith by how easily we get offended by trivial things and how we always seem to react to being offended by either killing people or threatening to kill people.

Now I like to think of myself as a bit of an expert on Islam, having read the entire Koran at least once that I can remember, and I'm really good at quoting passages that justify my atrocities, so I'm going to try to explain why we get so emotional about such things.

It's because Allah loves us, we're his favourite.

That's why people in Muslim countries have such high standards of living.

That's why countries with Islamist rulers are so well governed and those governments are models of integrity, honesty and fairness.

That's why Muslim countries are so peaceful. Especially Muslim countries that border Non-Muslim countries.

If we're wrong then why do people like George Galloway, Cindy Sheehan, Ramsey Clark, Michael Moore, and so many others rush to endorse our cause.

They must know that they'll be among the first batch we behead when we restore the Global Caliphate, so they must be rallying to our cause because we're right. Or they might be complete wad-heads, but that doesn't matter.

We're right.

And our faith is strong. That's why the publication of some stupid cartoons are so evil. Such cartoons can completely destroy our religion and condemn us all to spend eternity suckling acid from the leathery teats of some fat-ass demon. And our imams tell us that the only way to combat evils like cartoon prophets and piglets is engage in terrorism, murder and intimidation.

Now, accept your status as dhimmi and join us in fighting the evil that is the cartoon. Free speech is not a right, it's a privilege granted by people like me.

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PS: Support the CARNIVAL OF COMEDY and the CARNIVAL OF SATIRE which are hosted by some lovely and fragrant people, or we'll cut off your heads.