A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY
Now those yammering yahoos in the Mainstream Media are all over me like stink on the north side of a south bound steer because of what they call an 'accident.'
Well, wrong again Liberal Media.
There was no accident.
I saw him and I shot him, plain and simple.
Now before you start kicking and screaming like a teenage secretary left in the back of Ted Kennedy's sinking car let me explain.
It's all a game.
You see hunting animals isn't really all that sporting, what with them being almost as dumb as Democrats and all, and paintball was just a little too simulated for any real thrill, so me and my posse started hunting each other.
Now we're not stupid, or looking to get killed like some Hamas-voting Palestinian, that's why we use that pissy little birdshot. It hurts like a son of a bitch and keeps your mind on your business.
You heard about my hospital stays over my supposedly tricky ticker, well it's all premium Grade-A Bill Clinton's sincerity class bullshit. Yeah, I was in the hospital, but it was to get a load of bird-shot out of my ass. Last time I had to sit on one of those inflatable donuts for a freaking month.
Good times. Good times.
Anyhoo, this time it was my turn to dish out a little payback and the media's all shitting kittens about it.
Now you're probably wondering why we're hunting fellow Republicans and not Democrats. Well, the answer's simple.
Democrats are pussies.
You give them a half-hour head start, and all they do is climb behind the first shrub, curl up in a ball, cry like a baby and beg for the ACLU to save them.
It's damn pathetic.
So that's we real men do in the woods of Texas, and if you want to make something of it you can go fuck yourself.