Up Yours Great Satan

A Special Guest Commentary by

Ayman Al-Zawahiri

Howdy y'all.

It's me, the Big Z, or as they call me at Al-Qaida board meetings "The Big Number 2."

I'd like to start with this little message to the Great Satan the USA:

Nyah!

Nyah!

Nyah!

Missed me!

Missed me!

Now ya gotta kiss me!

That was fun.

Now let's get to the serious business.

I'd like to give a shout out to my homies in Hamas who won the elections in the Palestinian Authority. Congrats, and I hope you do the same kind of bang up job running the Palestinians into the ground that the Taliban did with the Afghanis. I know it's a hard act to follow, but I believe that you have the gumption and heart to drag them all the way down to the Stone Age.

You doing a great job so far. I mean it's great that you celebrated your victory with rioting and violence and your stance against the Little Satan (Israel) means that the aid that's been supporting the Palestinian people for decades will probably be cut, so you're well on your way.

Now I'd like to get to an important threat. A threat that threatens the very sanctity of the Islamic people. A threat that must be faced with intimidation, violence and oppression.

No, I'm not talking about the Americans. I'm talking about a threat that goes beyond the American's surprisingly successful program of killing our terrorists chowderheads brainturds jihadi martyrs. I'm talking about...

DANISH CARTOONISTS!

Yes. Those wily Danes are so evil they have become the target of threats and intimidation by the entire Islamic world.

What could they have done? you ask.

Well, they had the unmitigated gall to feature editorial cartoons featuring our Prophet Mohammed.

If that's not evil in its purest form, I don't know what is.

I thank Allah that we're more civilised than those nutjob Christians. I mean when someone in the western media insults Christianity, which is fairly often, Christians either ignore it, or they do some stupid peaceful boycott. Only a perfect faith like ours would issue death threats and even murder artists who offend us.

So let's all band together and bring to life our dream of a global caliphate. Only then can we force the world to realise that cartoons about religion are evil, killing people in the name of God is good.

Keep up the Jihad!

~Z.