3/14/2006

Out of Touch & Proud of It


A Special Guest Commentary by

George Clooney

First of all I'd like to thank Vox Poplar for letting me "guest blog" here for real and not fake it like a certain Airhead Huff & Puff

But enough about her and how she tried to fake me guest blogging, I'm blogging here for real now and she can take her Post and....

Anyway.

As an Academy Award Winner I feel that it's my duty to expound on politics. Sure I have limited education, and I make my living by looking handsome and repeating words others have written for me, but I'm an Oscar winner, which has to mean something.

First- I think the Democrats are pussies for rising up to stop the crypto-fascist Chimp BushHitler regime's invasion of the peace-loving and kite flying land of Iraq.

I mean talk about moral cowardice. There was poor little Saddam Hussein, someone who has never hurt anyone in his life, and the old Bush/Cheney/Halliburton Military Industrial Complex was allowed to swoop in and take their oil and give it to Israel. I know it's a fact, Michael Moore himself told me over an avocado and tofu pizza at a Hillary Clinton fundraiser at Rob Reiner's Malibu beach house.

Moore knows what he's talking about. He does all the post-production on his films up in Canada. I'm sure he's got some political reason for that, and that he's not just doing it to get out of paying American union wages.

Anyway, like I said at the Oscars I'm proud to be out of touch with the mainstream of fascist America. In fact Hollywood Democrats have a great history of being out of touch. During the dawn of the Civil Rights Movement, only one voice in Hollywood dared to stand up to the rest of America which was ruled by the Ku Klux Klan, and stood alone to become Hollywood's leading Civil Rights Advocate, and that man was Charlton Heston.

...wait a minute...

...Heston's a Republican...

...That doesn't count.

Let's stick to something I know all about, like The McCarthy Era.

I mean if it wasn't for liberal journalist Edward R. Murrow, McCarthy would have become President and made over the entire country like some sort of crypto-fascist version of my stylist Raoul.

Oh sure, Republicans had savagely attacked McCarthy during the Army Hearings, turning public opinion against him, but it was Murrow who had the courage to stand up to McCarthy on national television after the senator had been politically neutered.

I know all about that kind of courage.

It's not the kind of courage shown by those losers who join the army and go off spreading democracy and freedom in dangerous countries. That's just shallow jingoist patriotism.

Real courage is making a film like Syriana that presents terrorists and suicide bombers as heroes and Americans as evil imperialists. Maybe Bush hasn't killed any actors lately, but I put myself in real danger for that role.

I gained a lot of weight for that part.

You don't know how dangerous that is in Hollywood. It goes against years of training to binge and not purge to do that, and if I couldn't dump the weight fast enough my career would be over.

Hollywood does not have space for a chunky hunk.

It was my courage that won me that Oscar.

Courage that should put those stupid soldiers fighting the Iraqi minutemen and their IUDs to shame. What kind of losers is afraid of birth control devices?

So if I'm out of touch with the American public and reality, then so be it. I'm proud to be out of touch, because the MSM will still give me lots of coverage and that will keep my paycheques fat and awards on my mantle no matter how poorly my films do at the box office.

1 comment:

cmunit said...

Regarding statement "PROUD-TO-BE-OUT-OF-TOUCH", writers, bloggers, and ideas are needed to develop / launch / promote the following fair-and-balanced domains.

1. WWW.PROUDTOBEOUTOFTOUCH.COM,

2. WWW.PROUDTOBEINTOUCH.COM.

Cheers,

michael@proudtobeoutoftouch.com

michael@proudtobeintouch.com