Do You Know What It Means, To Miss The Point About New Orleans?

Hi Folks. I'm all healed up and ready to bring back the high quality of seedy pseudo-journalism you've come to expect from this blog. In case you're living in a cave this week marks the anniversary of hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, and as expected, folks are profiting hugely off the disaster. One of them is director Spike Lee, who tries to make a comback to relevance with his new Democratic Party propaganda piece documentary When The Levees Broke.

Now there's a lot of controversy about Lee's film, so to get to the truth, I've strapped him into the Vox Poplar Steel Lined Tube of Truth for...


Hi folks.

Looks like I'm generating a lot of controversy with my documentary When The Levees Broke, people are saying I played fast and loose with the facts and some are calling me the 'Black Michael Moore.'

Damn I hate that.

Well, since I can't lie while I'm stuck in this here damn tube of truth, I might as well admit it.

The whole film is a crock.

Star Parker's got my number in her article. I didn't go to Louisiana to look for the truth about what happened last year. I went to make a campaign commercial for the Democrats in the 2006 elections, and I got Time Warner/HBO to foot the bill.

If I had any remote interest in truth I would have brought up Mayor Nagin's incompetence, Governor Blanco's emotional paralysis, Rep. William Jefferson's corruption, and the corruption, incompetence, and mismanagement of the New Orleans Levee commission, but they're all Democrats.

When you're a Hollywood filmmaker like me Democrats are never to blame for anything. Sure Democrats spawned slavery, the KKK, and the Jim Crow segregation laws, but they're not Republicans, and that's what important.

So why should I waste film talking about

-How Nagin ignored his city's own emergency evacuation plans and didn't call for an evacuation until the very last possible minute.

-How Nagin left hundreds of buses to sink, when they could have been used to evacuate people.

-How Governor Blanco refused to make decisions until forced to by President Bush.

-How the federal government's response time actual set a new speed record in the field of disaster relief.

-How the Levee commission spent time and money on non-levee related projects like parks and casino development plans instead of maintaining or upgrading the system.

-How the real problem with the levees wasn't maintenance, but a flawed design from the Kennedy Presidency. I can't blame Kennedy, he's a Democratic Party icon and the only white man I'm allowed to like.

-How the media overhyped stories of violence, causing rescue efforts to be delayed for fear of rampant violence and cannabilism that didn't actually happen.

-How Americans of all races raised hundreds of millions of dollars for New Orleans, or how thousands took evacuees into their homes. That would present a positive view of America, and Spike don't play that game. Better to give some time praising an anti-semitic dictator like Hugo Chavez than admit any racial harmony.

Those stories had to do with the actual facts about Katrina, and you can't win points for Democrats with facts, you need wild accusations and conspiracy theories. That's why I give a nod a wink to those nutcases who claim Bush blew up the levees, much better than admitting the faults of so many of my buddies in the Democratic Party.

It's better to waste film talking about Condoleeza Rice shopping for shoes during the disaster, sure she had nothing to do with disaster relief and getting involved would've violated her role in the Constitution, but those are facts, this is about getting people to vote Democrat.

Besides, I need the work, I've been using the race card like Paris Hilton uses her credit card in a shoe store, and I'm maxed out. Come on, name one movie I made in the past five years without looking me up in the IMDB. Betcha can't do it. So I desperately need the controversy to get my name back out there and some green back in my account. I don't want to wind up directing According To Jim, even I don't deserve that!

Now can I get out of this damn tube?

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