Ned Lamont's Real Victory Speech

Hi folks.

My, what a long and strange trip it's been. We managed to defeat a man who has dedicated his life to liberal causes and the Democratic Party, and was once considered worthy of being a Vice President because he wanted to bridge the partisan divide and take a morally courageous stand for democracy.

Well we sure showed him. Like our great sage, prophet and revelator, Michael Moore said: Any Democrat who tries to put partisanship aside and stand up for his country and its allies in wartime will be hounded out of office and the party.

I'd like to take a moment now and thank the people who helped me defeat the evil Joseph Lieberman (that name sure sounds 'foreign'). Wait a second, I've got the list right here....

... I'd like to thank:

  1. Left wing bloggers. Especially the ones who say "screw'em" at the sight of his fellow Americans being butchered by Islamic fascists. I'd also like to thank the bloggers who put those pictures of Lieberman in black-face.
  2. Anti-Semites. Especially those who called Lieberman the "Senator from Israel," your narrow mindedness and anti-Israeli hysteria, put my campaign for the nomination over the top.
  3. America Hating Radicals. From the folks who go on hunger strikes that make them gain weight, to 9/11 conspiracy theorists, to professors who call murder victims "Little Eichmanns." You are the future of the Democratic Party, and hopefully of America as well.
  4. Al Gore. Your backstabbing treachery was just what my campaign needed. Leiberman may have been good enough to be your peacetime Vice President, but you showed the world that a believer in democractic principles and a strong defence has no place in a wartime senate.
  5. The Mainstream Media. Thanks for ignoring my many shortcomings, my hypocrisy, my complete lack of policy ideas beyond impeaching George W. Bush and all those who try to stand up for this country, the rather screwy behaviour of my friends and supporters, and the fact that I represent all the worst aspects of the Democratic Party's lunatic fringe.

I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Joe Lieberman's announced that he'll run as an independent, but I think that a spoiled millionaire limousine liberal who is weak on issues of national security, patriotism, foreign affairs, domestic affairs, economics, and holds a hypocritical stand on Wal-Mart & the minimum wage can beat him.

So Vote Lamont for Senate. Because we're gonna need a lot of Moonbats in the Senate if we're gonna cripple the war effort.

No comments: