MAHMOUD'S MAD-LIBS

In keeping with the high level of fake-but-accurrate pesudo journalism that you, my legions of fans have come to expect, I've tracked down Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's blog. Now you can go to MEMRI for some sort of 'accurate' and 'reliable' translation, but you'll only find the right level of truthiness here.

Here's a sample:

MAHMOUD'S MAD-LIBS

The rants, raves, & revelations of me, Iran's President, and the coming Mahdi's best friend.

TITLE: SOME DAYS YOU SHOULD JUST STAY IN BED

DATE: AUGUST 12th, 2006. (MAHDI COUNTDOWN- 10 DAYS)

CATEGORY: RANTS

MOOD: GRUMPY

MUSIC: SHAKIRA "HIPS DON'T LIE"

I should be happy. It looks like Israel's going to accept the cease-fire my bitches in the UN are pushing for, so my homies in Hezbollah can catch their breath and declare victory, despite the royal ass-whupping they got. I should be dancing in the air like a teenage girl we just hanged for being a rape victim.

But I'm not.

I'm gonna be on 60 Minutes tomorrow night, which should make me happy. Hell, the fossil Mike Wallace was ready to kiss my hairy patootie in Macy's window because I don't like George W. Bush either. I mean what the sh*t's with that guy Wallace? I ain't as prejudiced against Republicans as he is, and I want to kill them all.

Anyway, I'm just not happy. It's the little things that really stick in my craw. Today, my secretary Fatima put some of that non-dairy creamer crap in my morning coffee when I specifically asked for goat's milk. So I had her right hand cut off.

Now she's cashing in her freaking 'sick time' till the hemmoraging stops, and I can't find any of my freaking files!

How can I destroy western civilisation, human liberty, the Jews, and all those whiny leftards who march in support of me when I can't find the latest freaking budget report!?!

The nuke program's not going so hot either. I've taken to calling our three top scientists Larry, Curly & Moe, because they keep delaying the inevitable genocidal holocaust that will bring back the Mahdi. They are a pack of screw-ups. Come on, how hard can building the Atomic weapons that we're destined to use to kill everyone possibly be?

Oh, well, at least we still have those wonderfully wacky lefties and anti-semites protesting on our behalf. Sure they'll all be killed when I bring my mighty scimitar of fire and torment down upon the world, but they're useful for now.

Oh, crap, Ayatollah Assahola Khamenei is coming, I better post this mutha' and look busy.

Toodles.