"Paging Dr. Poplar, These Patients Need A Check Up From the Neck Up"

Here's a list of people in the news who need the figurative 'check up from the neck up' because of some stupid or downright crazy actions.

 

1. Air Marshal Service Driector Thomas Quinn

Bureaucratic idiocy has reared it's ugly, or should I say carefully groomed, head in the Air Marshal Service.

 

Air Marshall Honcho Thomas Quinn has supposedly gone militant about a dress code.  Under his regime all Air Marshals must wear dark suits and ties, and keep their grooming up to date with military precision.  This makes sure of one thing, that Air Marshals will stick out like sore thumbs.

 

It's time for Quinn to get a check up from the neck up.

 

Quinn's supposed to be running an operation where his agents act undercover pretending to be innocent and harmless airline passengers.  They're supposed to look like tired tourists, young hippy backpackers, and cute couples on their honeymoon.  They're not supposed to look like cops.  All your 'standards' will achieve are a lot of people getting killed.

 

2. Vladimir Putin

Vlad, don't take this the wrong way, but there's something you should know. 

 

THE SOVIET UNION DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.

 

I just thought you should know.  Now get your head out of your ass and stop meddling in the affairs of the Ukraine.  The sticky fingered plutocrats who are on the way out are not your buddies, no matter how much they kiss your ass.  You should be making friends with folks like NATO and the European Union, not trying to revive an empire that was a disaster the first time around.

 

Relax, have some vodka and tell your cronies to lay off using dioxin as a party favour.  And by the way, Yuschenko survived your little Lucrezia Borgia cocktail, if your boys can't deliver the goods, you really shouldn't be trying.

 

3. The Democratic Party

Talk about a sever case of monomania.  Today some Democratic Party wonks started demanding that the FBI open an investigation of possible voter fraud in Ohio.  And they wonder why Republican Party memberships are going through the roof.  Time for a reality check. 

 

YOU LOST THE 2004 ELECTION!

 

YOU LOST IT BY 3,000,000+ VOTES!

 

YOUR CURRENT CAMPAIGN OF INSULTS AND CONSPIRACY THEORIZING WILL ONLY CAUSE A REPUBLICAN LANDSLIDE IN 2008!

 

WAKE UP!

 

They need to listen to Peter Beinart of the New Republic and take a serious dose of reality.  America is at war, and despite what Michael Moore tells you, it isn't with Christianity.

 

4. The Ayatollahs of Iran.

There are signs of hope in the long running Islamic Republic.  Students heckled President Khatami for his failure to deliver on his promised reforms.  The Ayatollahs have also had to resort to hiring Chechen and Palestinian mercenaries to do their dirty work because they can't trust the police and the army anymore.

 

But there are also signs that the Ayatollahs will do anything to enforce their twisted view of morality.  Recently a mentally handicapped girl with the mental age of 8 was executed for violating their moral code.  Her crime: her family had sold her into prostitution when she was a small child and she was passed from pimp to pimp like a toy.  The pimps, johns, and her sleaze bag relatives apparently did nothing wrong in the eyes of Allah, because there has been no news of any of them being punished.

 

This isn't the 8th century and you're not the great Caliphs you think you are, you're a bunch of petty thugs who adopted religion not as your cause, but your excuse, so grow up and take your place in the dustbin of history.

 

That's enough for today, talk among yourselves...