1 on 1 with Deb Frisch

Artist's Conception of Professor Deb Frisch

VOX POPLAR- The blogosphere had the equivalent of a massive class-seven conniption fit over now former adjunct professor of Psychology for the University of Arizona, Deb Frisch and her hobby of threatening the child of Protein Wisdom blogger Jeff Goldstein. As a fake journalist it's my sacred duty to get to the heart of the story, the eye of the storm, the rich creamy nougat center of the truth. So here's a fake but accurate interview with Professor Deb Frisch. Welcome Professor Frisch.

DEB FRISCH- It's good to be here you fascist pig. I'm gonna grab your children and bake them into pies!

VOX POPLAR- Ookay. I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't have any children for you to threaten.

DEB FRISCH- Oh. Where's the fun in that?

VOX POPLAR- Let's get to the issue at hand...

DEB FRISCH- Absolutely those fascist stormtroopers have no right to complain about me to everyone, just because I threatened a two year old with rape and murder. They make me so mad I could just round up their children and grind their bones to make me bread!

VOX POPLAR- That's not the issue. The issue at hand is your tendency to threaten sexual abuse and horrible death on the children of people with whom you disagree about politics. What makes you think you can get away with that?

DEB FRISCH- I am an academic! That means I'm right about everything, whether it's about Ward Churchill being the greatest genius since Gandhi , 9/11 being perpetrated by the Joos and the oil companies, or about how the children of politically conservative people need to be boiled alive in oil!

VOX POPLAR- Being an academic is not an excuse for just plain unhinged behavior. What would your reaction be if a politically conservative person threatened someone you loved?

DEB FRISCH- That would be the worst atrocity committed against humanity since the Holocaust. Anyone who does that deserves to have their children roasted on spits, with paprika, thyme, and mint sauce!

VOX POPLAR- But it's okay when you do it?

DEB FRISCH- That's what I've been saying. Conservatives are not human. Like fetuses, patriotic people, and folks who think the sun doesn't shine out of the crack of Michael Moore's ass.

VOX POPLAR- What would be your reaction if conservatives started de-humanizing liberals?

DEB FRISCH- Conservatives don't have the right to de-humanize anyone, that right belongs exclusively to liberals, left-wing academics and Islamic fundamentalists. Anyone tries to de-humanize me deserves to get his nostrils raped while swarthy men turn their children into teriyaki stir-fry. Besides, it's not like I said any of those things.

VOX POPLAR- What?

DEB FRISCH- I didn't say any of those things. The Goldstein fellow faked the whole thing as part of a vast right-wing conspiracy! I'm the victim and the people against me should have their children's livers fried and served with fava beans and a nice chianti!!

VOX POPLAR- But you admitted to it on your own blog, and other bloggers recorded what you said, and besides, Goldstein couldn't have faked the comments because he couldn't access his own blog, thanks to the denial of service attacks your liberal allies have sent after him. How do you explain this complete and utter separation from reality?

DEB FRISCH- Duh, I'm a left wing college professor.

VOX POPLAR- That explains a lot. Thanks for dropping by, now get the hell out of my sight before I get a bucket of water.