7/01/2006

I Sing The Student Body Eclectic!

An In Depth Interview with Student Leaders

RAINBOW ROCKFORD & PHOENIX FILLMORE

VOX POPLAR- Summer's here, the living is easy, and school's out, no more math, no more books, and no more teacher's dirty looks. It also marks a brief pause in what's become a regular feature of the academic life, the censorship, or abuse of politically conservative speakers, students, and educators. To discuss this phenomenon are two reps from the college student group the Progressive Students & Youth Challenging Hegemony Organization, or PSYCHO. They are 'spokesbeing' Rainbow Rockford, and vice-commissar for 'Relations with the Proletariate' Phoenix Fillmore, and they're both students at Yale University. Welcome to my blog guys.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- I resent that.

VOX POPLAR- Resent what?

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Calling us 'guys.' That is a racist, sexist, crypto-fascist, neo-con attempt at branding us with some gender specific exclusionist classification.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

VOX POPLAR- What would you prefer? For some reason the term 'numb-nuts' come to mind.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- You may call us 'humyn beings.'

VOX POPLAR- I think I'll stick with numb-nuts. But let's get back on topic. Recent years has seen an explosion of censorship, oppression, and in some cases physical violence in America's colleges and universities, and it all seems aimed at politically conservative people or ideas. Where does a progressive group like PSYCHO stand on this issue?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- We're all for it.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Yes, we're all for it.

VOX POPLAR- But I thought 'progressive' organizations were supposed to support free speech.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- Hate speech is not free.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Hate speech costs everyone.

VOX POPLAR- Yes but what exactly constitutes hate speech?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- Anne Coulter embodies hate-speech.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Yes, she embodies hate speech.

VOX POPLAR- That's a pretty thin embodiment. What has she done that's considered hate speech?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- She's a Republican.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- And if that isn't enough, she's dared to criticize the Jersey Girls, accusing them of using their husband's deaths for political gain.

VOX POPLAR- What about Ward Churchill?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- What about him?

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Yeah, what about him? He's one of this stinking crypto-fascist country's greatest heroes.

VOX POPLAR- He called the Jersey Girl's late husbands "Little Eichmann's" that deserved what they got.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- Listen we didn't come here to have you harsh our mellow by spitting out a bunch of fascist facts.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Yeah, fascist.

VOX POPLAR- I think I've got this straight now.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- HATE CRIME!

PHOENIX FILLMORE- HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

VOX POPLAR- Now what?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- You used that horrible word.

VOX POPLAR- What word this time?

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Straight. Yuck.

VOX POPLAR- "Straight" is a perfectly cromulent word.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- You excluded our Queer and Lesbian brothers and sisters from that sentence.

VOX POPLAR- They had nothing to do with that sentence.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- That doesn't mean you should exclude them. HOMOPHOBE! HOMOPHOBE!

VOX POPLAR- Will you shut up for a minute!?!

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Look at that! He's trying to suppress our right to free speech! HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

VOX POPLAR- Why is it wrong when I do it, but right when you do it?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- We're right.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- But not right wing. That would be wrong.

VOX POPLAR- Okay, I think I have everything 'correct' now. You're all for free speech, as long as it completely agrees with you.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- Exactly.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- It's good to see a homophobic fascist like you can learn something.

VOX POPLAR- But isn't the essence of free speech allowing people you don't agree with a chance to voice their views whether you are offended by them or not?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

VOX POPLAR- You scream 'hate crime' one more time, and you'll find out what a knuckle sandwich really tastes like.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- I'm a vegan; I don't anything that had a face.

VOX POPLAR- You won't have one either by the time I'm done, now let's talk like adults. Let's get back on the topic of free speech.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- It's simple; anything that doesn't fit our criteria or correct speech is hate speech, and henceforth wrong speech that should result in some sort of punishment.

VOX POPLAR- Who died and bestowed upon you the wisdom to determine what's right and wrong in the realm of ideas? As far as I can tell you're a couple of pot-smoking, pseudo-intellectual, wannabe Che Avocados who couldn't discern the difference between their own arse and a hole in the ground.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- You're being very judgmental.

VOX POPLAR- And you're not?

PHOENIX FILLMORE- You're not judgmental when you're right.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- The correct term is 'correct.'

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Sorry, 'correct.'

VOX POPLAR- What would you say to a person entering your university who previously held a job that advocated the cause of a group that regularly violently oppressed and abused women, killed homosexuals, desecrated sacred sites, and aided and abetted in the murder of thousands of innocent people because of their religion?

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- That would never happen at our school. We're progressives.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Absolutely.

VOX POPLAR- But it did, Yale admitted Sayed Rahmatellah Hashemi, a man who used to be spokesman for the Taliban in Afghanistan.

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- He is a man who stood against the Zionist/ Halliburton/ Bushitler conspiracy.

PHOENIX FILLMORE- Besides, everyone knows, only American Christian Republicans are capable of racism and sexism. Everyone else is just expressing their culture, whether it's through interpretive dance, or stoning a woman for showing her face in public, it's crypto-fascists like you who are destroying the world's rich tapestry!

RAINBOW ROCKFORD- That's a fact! You're an Islamophobic crypto-fascist trying to harsh on his mellow!

VOX POPLAR- I think I've gone as far as I can with this interview. Drop by next time when I'll be talking to someone smarter than these two. I'll be interviewing a block of wood. Good night, and get the hell out of my face.

1 comment:

GM Roper said...

Brilliant, simply BRILLIANT

Unfortunately, there are too many Rainbow Roxfords and Phoenix Fillmores out there!