ARE THOSE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS IN MY PANTS, OR AM I JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU?

Special Guest Commentary by former Clinton National Security Advisor Sandy Berger

(Vox is recovering from hosting the Air America Telethon at the Betty Ford Center. So celebrity guest bloggers will be filling in for him this week.)

No matter how many papers you steal from the National Archives, no matter how many friends you stack in the 9/11 Commission the truth still has a way of coming out. Damn Internet, I’ll never forgive Al Gore for inventing you.

Therefore, I guess I better come clean.

It’s all George W. Bush’s fault.

Just kidding.

However, that’s how the press will play it, that is, if they give the Able Danger reports any airtime at all, which is unlikely. What possible reason do the MSM have to give these reports the attention they demand?

All they say is this:

--That the timeline the 9/11 Commission gave Atta was way off, and that their findings related to that timeline are suspect at best, completely wrong at worst.

--That Czech intelligence reports about Atta’s connections to Saddam Hussein’s intelligence agencies are more plausible.

--That political interference, orchestrated by the Clinton administration and a certain member of the 9/11 Commission to protect their shady fundraising effectively crippled our counter terrorism operations.

--That the 9/11 Commission deliberately buried these reports in order to protect the Presidential aspirations of Hillary Clinton.

--That simple open source data mining is an effective method of identifying potential terror suspects.

That’s really not much of a story when you look at it. I mean come on, how’s that compared to some poor innocent Taliban Jihadi being served honey-glazed chicken with too much paprika?

Who am I kidding?

Only the Mainstream Media.

Damn.

Listen, you don’t know what it was like trying to advise the Clintons about national security. It was like talking to a freaking wall. God knows how many times did we try to do the daily morning briefing with Bill sitting there listening to Fleetwood Mac on his walkman, flipping through a back issue of Hustler, or both?

Clinton didn’t want to hear anything that might require him to actually do anything. And when he did get off his pasty cracker ass, it was usually to lob a missile at an empty tent, or maybe blast the crap out of an aspirin factory.

It’s enough to make you stuff your pants with classified documents in despair.

Sorry about that, I tend to vent when I get upset.

So in closing, remember this: It’s all George W. Bush’s fault.

-Sandy Berger