VOX: Hello everybody. It’s great to be back and I’d like to thank Naom, Sandy, and Kim for sitting in for me while I was on ‘vacation.’ Now it’s time to get back to establishing the high standard of pseudo-journalism that I’m known for. This week marked the end of Israel’s settlements in the Palestinian dominated Gaza Strip. Today, I have an exclusive interview with a Gaza resident who was recently forced out by the Israeli Army. Now he wishes to keep his identity a secret, so we’ll be calling him Mr. X. It’s good to have you here.
MR. X: Good day.
VOX: Tells us what happened to you when the Israeli Army forced you out of your home in the settlements.
MR. X: Actually, I wasn’t living in the settlements. I had an apartment in Gaza City.
VOX: I didn’t know any Israelis lived there.
MR. X: I’m not Israeli.
MR. X: I’m Palestinian.
VOX: You’re a Palestinian? Then why were you taken out and sent to Israel?
MR. X: It’s a funny story really. I was working for my uncle, delivering some Ariel Sharon effigies for the settlers to burn...
VOX: This is your uncle’s business?
MR. X: Oh yeah, Uncle Achmed makes all the stuff you see protestors burning. Flags, effigies, photos of politicians, it’s all made by Uncle Achmed. Back to my story. I get out of my truck to get the settler to sign the receipt and next thing I know I got five Israeli paratroopers dragging my ass to a bus. I guess when you put a Palestinian guy next to an Israeli guy, you really can’t tell them apart.
VOX: Then what happened?
MR. X: I got off the bus and was set up in a hotel in Tel Aviv.
VOX: What are you going to do next?
MR. X: I did think about telling them about their mistake, but then I found out that my stay here is all on the Israeli government’s tab. So, I’m going to pig out on room service and pay-per-view movies until they figure out their mistake and toss me out.
VOX: What if they don’t figure out their mistake?
MR. X: Then I guess I better brush up on my Hebrew if I’m going to get one of those new houses. You know this could open up a whole new field of Palestinian activism. Why kill Israelis when you can milk them dry?
VOX: Good luck with your scam.
MR. X: Shalom, I think...? I better get a dictionary...