REP. JOHN MURTHA
Hello my fellow Americans.
It's me, your future House Majority Leader John Murtha, here once again to save you from the evil Hitler/Halliburton/Israel conspiracy called the Bush Administration. Now in my last message I explained what a Democratic Majority will do
to for America. Now I will explain how a Democratic Majority will screw up bring peace to the rest of the world.
As you know Iraq is a terrible quagmire from which there is no escape except complete unilateral withdrawal. Look at what's happening in Iraq: a seemingly functional democratically elected government has been formed, the Al-Qaida backed insurgency is being whupped left and right, reconstruction projects are happening all over the country, and Al-Qaida mastermind Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi is dead.
All that can mean only one thing: AMERICA HAS LOST THE WAR.
I know what losing looks like! I served in VietNam, and I did my small part in losing that war, and now I'm trying to do a bigger part in losing this one.
Zarqawi's dead, it's time to declare victory and engage in a
retreat strategic redeployment of our troops. Sure we are now claiming that Zarqawi's only a minor thug, now that he's dead after 3 years of proclaiming him an unstoppable and indestructible popular freedom fighter, it's still time to surrender change direction.
We should move all of our troops and planes out of Iraq and put them in a more strategic location where they can still be effective, like Okinawa.
Sure, some of you right-wing baby-blood-drinking military types will say that's crazy simply because Okinawa's thousands of miles away from Iraq and any mission to aid the new Iraqi democracy will have to fly over China and Iran. I don't see any problems with them because I'm positive China and Iran have America's best interests at heart.
How do I know that?
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm visited regularly by a little green alien from the future named The Great Gazoo. Only I can see him, but he's really, really smart, and he's telling me that appeasing Islamic fascism is the only true path to peace.
America needs to listen to Gazoo and his infinite wisdom, he says we need to be more like Bill Clinton in our foreign policy. So I suggesting that once we impeach Bush and restore Al Gore to the
throne Oval Office we immediately cancel all intelligence and national security briefings that might lead America to defend itself.
So don't you dare question my patriotism, or my sanity, because I served in VietNam, that makes me right about everything, and if you piss me off I might just have Gazoo turn you into a toad or something!
So remember this November to Vote Democrat and Vote Often.
This message brought to you by The Great Gazoo Foundation: Helping People Avoid Reality for 40 Years.