My Bosses Are Jerks!

A Special Guest Commentary
by
Abu Hamza Al Mujahir
Commander of Al-Qaida in Iraq
Pissed Off Jihadi!

It's official.

My bosses are dicks.

All week they've been telling me what a great guy I am, how nobody beheads infidels and massacres civilians like me, all the while they were playing me for a sucker.

I'm not talking about the whole appointing me leader of Al-Qaida in Iraq, that was bad enough, but the pack of goat-fondlers were setting me up. They announced that I was the commander, thus making my sweet butt a target, meanwhile Abu Ayyab Al Masri was made the real commander all along. He gets to make the decisions and give the orders, while I'm stuck with the paperwork!

Damn it!

Now this where Islamic disaffection comes from, not from you infidel imperialists with your democracies and rights, but from our own leaders, who lie, cheat, and murder to get their way and they don't care whose feeling they hurt!

I should have seen it coming Al-Masri was always Zawahiri's favourite, and Bin Ladin was always praising Al-Masri, saying stuff like: "Good work beheading those doctors," or "way to go slitting those schoolgirl's throats."

Not to say he was a brown-noser, but doctors once detected a growth on Bin Ladin's colon, and it turned out to be Al-Masri's head.

Oh well, at least the Yankee imperialist infidel pig-dogs aren't looking to blast my butt into bologna, so I should relax.

But what am I going to do with all the vitriolic anti-American, anti-Semitic screeds I was going to do for Al-Jazeera?

I know, I could get a job at Democratic Underground!