My fellow Americans.We live in a troubled and confusing time. the specter of terrorism stalks the Earth like a great big... um... thing that stalks other things. We're in the middle of a war and worst of all, there are Republicans in the White House,
That's why I'm giving you this very special message. I've been told by some friends that work as analysts in the CIA that the Democrats are a shoo-in for the majority in Congress in the 2006 mid-term elections. They have to be right considering how accurate they were with the whole fall of the Soviet Bloc, Iraqi WMDs, and predicting terrorist attacks like 9/11.And with a Democratic Party majority we can finally start setting things right with the world.
Once in that position I will do the things that will truly make America great.
First we will impeach not only the criminal Bushitler from the White House, we'll toss out his entire cabinet. And once they're gone we'll officially appoint Al Gore to the position he rightfully won in 2000 before those stupid voters got involved.
Sure, there will be a few right-wing nutbars out there who will say it's unconstitutional, but what are they gonna do when we reassign all the Supreme Court seats to Democrats.
Once we have firmly expelled the disease of an elected Republican administration from Washington, we plan to order the immediate withdrawal of all of the baby-killing psycopaths you Red State losers call soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.
Zarqawi's dead, so there's no reason to stay there if it's only going to lead to some sort of democracy.
There will be some folks, extreme right wing think tankers mostly, who will decry such actions as treasonous and possibly suicidal.
But we won't have to listen to them, because in the interest of media neutrality, we will enact a law effectively banning talk radio, Fox News, and free speech on the internet.
It's the only way to convince people that it wasn't democracy that made America great, it's Democrats.
So vote Democrat in 2006, and vote often.
I know I will.