If I Wasn't A Democrat, I'd Be Screwed.


Hi folks.

As you've probably already heard all the charges against the Duke Lacrosse players have been dropped and I'm looking at getting my ass sued off and possible jail time for all the violations of civil rights, rules of law, and human decency.

So let me get this done right off the bat.

I'm sorry.

No, really I am.

I'm sorry I tried to ruin the lives of three young men, broke countless rules of ethics, and played fast and loose with the legal system.

But it's okay.

I'm a Democrat.

I needed to get myself re-elected instead of losing my position against a more qualified candidate, and being a Democrat that meant I had only one option.

To ruin the lives of three young men through shameless race baiting and civil rights violations.

I really had no choice.

It's just the way I'm wired.

So I ask the families of the young men I terrorized, the cab driver I tried to imprison for giving them an alibi and the voters to whom I lied to with bells on, to forgive me.

Come on. Al Sharpton does what I did all the time, and he's getting his butt kissed on CNN on an hourly basis!

Oh sure, he's just a loudmouth and I violated the oath I swore to uphold the law and all canons of legal ethics... but we're both Democrats!

That's got to mean something.

Maybe Al can get me Don Imus's job?

They seem to do everything he says these days.

No comments: