We're Losers, Accept It America

(D-Never Supports USA)

My Fellow Democrats and the rest of you losers.

We have come to a momentous time in American history. A time where we as Americans must accept that we have lost the war in Iraq. Sure, American troops are killing terrorists Iraqi freedom fighters, the democratically elected government of Iraq is still functioning, insurgent leaders are on the run, and the violence is occurring in an ever shrinking area of the country, but America has still lost the war.

Why has America lost?

Because I say so.

Besides, if the mainstream media was to start honestly reporting on the war and how the surge seems to be working, it could lead to a Republican victory in 2008. And if the Republicans win, how can we threaten to pull the broadcast licenses of networks that dare question the Democratic Party and its billionaire masters.

We can't have that.

That's why I must step out of my role as leader of the majority in the Senate and speak out against this war and the democracy that it has created.

Sure, some of you could call it treason, and since it only serves to demoralize the country and embolden the enemy, it probably is.

But it's all for a good cause.

And that cause is a Democrat in the White House and more Democrat seats in the Senate.

So you see, it's worth the national humiliation, the loss of millions of lives from the inevitable Iranian invasion, civil war, genocide and partition of the country.

Come on, what are human lives worth when compared to an increase in the Democrat Senate majority?

Not much in my book.

That's why I will stand alongside my fellow Democrats to make sure the sacrifice of our lost soldiers will be in vain, and laugh as we sit back in our comfy Senate seats and watch the birth of yet another Middle Eastern basket case of a country and even more generations of death and destruction.

That's because we're Democrats and anyone who disagrees with us is evil.

If there was such a thing as evil.

*Brought to you by the Benedict Arnold Foundation, better living through shameless opportunism and treason.

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