We Shall Never Surrender, You On The Other Hand...


Former Prime Minister of Great Britain

Good evening living people of the world.

I speak to you, via this new contraption called a "blog" from beyond the grave, at a very dire time for the land that I love. Sailors and Marines of Her Majesty's Royal Navy are being held hostage by Iran.

Britain is responding to this blatant act of war with....

Pleas for negotiations and sanctions from the United Nations.


Pardon my rough language, a habit I picked up as 1st Lord of the Admiralty, but I find it very fitting for this situation.

There is only one way to deal with mad dogs like Ahmadinejad, and that is to break out the old Lee Enfield and put a few ounces of hot lead where it would do some good. Preferably right in what the lads these days call Mr. Ahmadinejad's unibrow.

Alas, that is not to be.

You see England is more than just the faded remnant of a once great empire it is a completely neutered state. It is completely devoid of any testicular fortitude.

Britain has no balls.

In my day when faced with terror bombings, the loss of continental Europe, and threats of conquest, the people of Great Britain, a soggy little island at the edge of Europe, looked Adolph Hitler and his Hun Hordes square in their beady little Teutonic eyes and bellowed as loud as we could:

"You have gone too far! You will go no further!"

And we fought back.

And how did we fight back.

The times and especially, the losses, were horrendous.

But we few, we happy few, held our collective head up high, we stood up to evil, and struck a blow for human liberty.

Sadly, the only time any British citizen would dare hold his head up high is to see who is pissing on them and then to ask the pisser if he's comfortable.

I know you're probably expecting something more poetic, but I'm dead, Britain's a mess, and if it wasn't for my blind rage I'd be trapped in the jaws of the black dog from despair.

We promised to fight the enemy on the beaches, to fight them in the fields, in the streets, in our very homes.

Now Englishmen deny the facts of history in order to appease those who seek to dominate and destroy all that generations of free men and women have built.

Teachers are skipping study of the Nazis persecution and wholesale slaughter of Europe's Jewry in order to not offend Moslems who appear to have added Holocaust Denial and Nazism to their Q'uran.

What utter rubbish.

I think teaching children about the Holocaust would be an excellent test. Anyone who claims to being offended by history, would be instantly branded an Islamist Fascist, arrested, smacked vigorously about the head, and sent post-haste by aeroplane to the nearest country where the madness spawned by the denial of history is welcome.

I wouldn't land the plane. I'd just have it crash into one of their holiest buildings, so they can see how they like it.

One cannot appease a madman by becoming mad. That just spurs the original madman to greater heights, or depths, of depravity, until the whole world is not only mad, but burning.

Britain, you have become a nation of lazy, drink-sodden, entitlement obsessed, whiny, weak-willed, spineless eunuchs.

You are attempting to appease Islamic Fascists. Fascist who will not rest until they control every aspect of your lives. Censoring your schools, your music, your books, and your television, denying you the alcohol you love more than liberty itself, and the chance to ogle the pretty young ladies. Then they'll be demanding the deaths of your sons, because they enjoyed boarding school a little too much, if you know what I mean, and murder your daughters for violating some Dark Age tribal honour code that punishes victims for being victims while honouring the guilty.

If was a living man and Britain gave me poison, I would drink it, rather than see the once proud nation debased by the enemies of freedom.

England's dreaming, and it's bloody well time it woke up.

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