DATELINE EGYPT: In keeping with the Islamic tradition of releasing at least one whacky fatwa a week, an Egyptian Imam declared that any marriage where nudity occurred during sexual intercourse is instantly invalid. This latest fatwa reveals the Imam's serious need to 'get some' and his desire to keep anyone else from 'getting some.'
DATELINE LONDON: In keeping with tradition the BBC canceled production of a film about a recent winner of the prestigious Victoria Cross in favor of rampant coverage of Britain's recent humiliation at the hands the mad ayatollahs of Iran. The BBC defended its decision by stating that being Britain's public broadcaster prevented them from producing anything that might be considered 'pro-British,' 'pro-Iraq War,' 'pro-courage,' 'pro-freedom,' or 'pro-democracy,' to avoid offending people like the ones in this picture. Lord knows that we can't offend them.
DATELINE RALEIGH-DURHAM: An ABC Reporter Terry Moran blogged that people shouldn't feel too sorry for the falsely accused Duke U Lacrosse players because they're annoying spoiled frat boys with rich families. Of course he forgot to mention what the 'Dukies' would be called if they didn't have the money to fight the bogus charges and sleazy tactics of DA Nifong: "Prison Bitch."